In 1 month, Joshua should be celebrating his 2nd birthday.
These past 2 years have brought healing, but they have also brought distance. Distance between myself and my child.
The memories are fading, and what is left is deep grief, spiritual upheaval, and anxiety from the traumatic experiences that his life brought.
His name is being spoken less and less. Not so much by myself, Shane, Caleb or Hannah, but by others. He isn't in the forefront of other people's minds. Yes, people remember him, but his memory isn't as fresh and as painful as it once was.
As Joshua's 2nd birthday comes closer, please remember my baby. If you think of him, please don't hesitate to send me an email, a message, or leave a comment about it.
As I've traveled this road of grief, I have discovered that nothing grieves a mother more, than when her child's name isn't spoken- when her child isn't remembered. I promise you, the mention of his name is not painful. Yes, there may be tears, but they are not tears of sadness or pain, they are tears of love, blessing, and honor.
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| 1 month before he died. |
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| Bright eyes! |
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| Snuggle time with daddy! <3 |
11 comments:
Jill, I remember Joshua. I remember his name and the love that you shared. Happy soon to be 2nd birthday sweet boy.
Jill, I will never forget sweet Joshua. Sending love and prayers to you as he spends his 2nd birthday with Jesus. <3 Hugs mama
Yes the pain of not hearing our children's names is another grief. So many losses. He is a gorgeous boy. I hate how heart babies look so healthy and then they die. I have spoken his name and will speak it again, even though I never met little Joshua.
Love, Em
Jill,
He is so beautiful. I liked seeing all of the beautiful pictures of him on your blog even when I never got to meet him in person. I can't wait to meet him in heaven some day!
Jill, I had a vivid dream just last week that I had another baby, and I named him Joshua after your baby Joshua. Seriously. I think of Joshua often, actually, I really do. He really had a huge impact on my life. Much love to you & your family, my friend. xoxo
Oh Jill! While I never met Joshua, I will neve forget him. You will always be the mama of four beautiful children....well, unless you surprise us with more.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to feel that perhaps strangers who met Joshua & you thru your blog might remember him more ofter / longee than people in your "real" life.
Hoping your family does something special together to celebrate the birth of beautiful Joshua. This will be Lukey's 1st time celebrating his big brother's b'day, yes?
Whatever you do as a family, please know there are many of us who remember your darling boy with love, wishing he could be with you physically, knowing he is there in spirit & memory.
~Mary
Jill~ I think of you and your sweet Joshua every day. He has left a lasting impression on my heart, and I have learned so much from you AND from Joshua. Sending so much love your way!
I here you...loud and clear!
Joshua, Leyda and my recently miscarried grandchild are having a blast I am sure!
Oh Jill ... you and Joshua as well as the rest of your family are a constant in my life although I have never met any of you. You hit the nail on the head with this post ... I can so relate with the murder of my brother (we just passed the 7 year mark since he left us). Unless people have experienced what you speak of they think it is best not to mention your loved one and I agree with you it is better to speak and remember than to not speak at all. I have learned so much from your blog and continue to follow it everyday. I truly hope that a day will come where I can meet you in person. It is because of Joshua that I found your blog and for that I a truly thankful. God felt I needed to hear your story not because I could relate to it but because I needed it, I needed to "meet" you and "meet" Joshua. Enjoy his 2nd birthday and know that I am sending you my love and comfort during this time. Hugs my friend (the one I just haven't met yet.) :)
I remember your sweet little Joshua as well, he is just a few days younger than my Emilee, and through his story, I try and love on my little ones more! I have learned so much from you these past two years. Thank you for sharing your little man with all of us!
Dear Jill
I will remember your little Joshua as well! He was so brave, a real inspiration to anyone who knew him (personally or, as myself, through your blog). He also had the most gorgeous big eyes! Please do not worry that your beautiful baby will ever be forgotten. He touched numerous people, including me.
I also wanted to say that your blog helped me tremendously when I was going through a similar situation this year with my son Maxi (Maximilian). Maxi also fought HLHS. Although he isn't here anymore (a suspected virus took him away within the space of one day, two weeks after the Glenn) we had him for 6.5 months during which we loved him and he loved us. Right now the pain of losing Maxi is still very fresh and I sometimes have doubts that we made the right decisions for Maxi because of the outcome but when I look at the pictures we have of him smiling and laughing, I know that he was glad to be alive. I am sure that little Joshua felt the love you had for him and that he was happy that he had such beautiful parents.
Thank you again for writing about your little boy.
I am sending you hugs from Vienna, Austria.
Natalia
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