Wednesday, June 6, 2012

This kid makes my heart hurt.



I knew that having another baby would bring healing to me after Joshua died. I knew having another baby would open my heart to giving and receiving more love.I knew that having another baby would complete our family.



But, I had no idea how much I needed Luke.

I've never shared his birth story publicly. I probably won't. Not because I have anything to hide, but because it was such a beautiful experience for me. It was such a normal experience compared to the birth of Joshua. Without sounding too hokey, it was a holy experience- bringing healing to my heart in a way that only God could bring.


And ever since his birth, Luke has brought healing, light, and love to my life in a way that I never expected him to.

I knew, after Joshua died, that I needed another baby. I knew that this baby would never replace Joshua, but that I needed to have a normal pregnancy, birth, and newborn experience. I needed to be able to bring a baby home one more time. I needed to be able to nurse a baby, one more time. I needed to be able to rock, snuggle, and care for a baby, one more time. I needed to be able to stand up and say, "I survived. I'm still standing. I'm moving forward."

Little did I know that I needed Luke. I needed his first smiles. I needed his cries.  I needed his giggles, his grunts, his snorts, and his dirty diapers. I needed his snuggles and his hands on my cheeks. I needed to nurse him and to see him asleep at my breast. I needed the frustrating nights of never ending crying and the sleepless nights that leave me exhausted and grumpy.

I am typically not a very sentimental person. I don't like cliche sayings or sentiments. But Luke makes me appreciate every little thing about him. There is something special about a new baby after having a loss like ours. There is something special about a baby that will be your last child. There is just something about this baby that brings me joy and healing in a way that I have never experienced it before.


video

6 comments:

Mellow said...

I cannot say it enough...Amen. So happy for you this moment in your life. I so understand.

Shrrbyrd said...

WOW... spoken from the heart. I have goosebumps.

Auntie M said...

He is the true definition of "rainbow baby." He has brought hope, light, love, and promise after the storm. Like Luke from the Bible, he is a little healer. What a special little guy he is!

And what a cutiepie he is!! Love that video!

Thank you for sharing so tenderly from your heart, once more.

XO~Mary

The Cox Family said...

Love it! Love to watch God moving and healing your family. He makes all things new.

Danielle said...

He is adorable

Amy said...

I totally *heart* him! I miss the baby days so much sometimes.... What an adorable video!

 
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