Wednesday, June 6, 2012

This kid makes my heart hurt.

I knew that having another baby would bring healing to me after Joshua died. I knew having another baby would open my heart to giving and receiving more love.I knew that having another baby would complete our family.

But, I had no idea how much I needed Luke.

I've never shared his birth story publicly. I probably won't. Not because I have anything to hide, but because it was such a beautiful experience for me. It was such a normal experience compared to the birth of Joshua. Without sounding too hokey, it was a holy experience- bringing healing to my heart in a way that only God could bring.

And ever since his birth, Luke has brought healing, light, and love to my life in a way that I never expected him to.

I knew, after Joshua died, that I needed another baby. I knew that this baby would never replace Joshua, but that I needed to have a normal pregnancy, birth, and newborn experience. I needed to be able to bring a baby home one more time. I needed to be able to nurse a baby, one more time. I needed to be able to rock, snuggle, and care for a baby, one more time. I needed to be able to stand up and say, "I survived. I'm still standing. I'm moving forward."

Little did I know that I needed Luke. I needed his first smiles. I needed his cries.  I needed his giggles, his grunts, his snorts, and his dirty diapers. I needed his snuggles and his hands on my cheeks. I needed to nurse him and to see him asleep at my breast. I needed the frustrating nights of never ending crying and the sleepless nights that leave me exhausted and grumpy.

I am typically not a very sentimental person. I don't like cliche sayings or sentiments. But Luke makes me appreciate every little thing about him. There is something special about a new baby after having a loss like ours. There is something special about a baby that will be your last child. There is just something about this baby that brings me joy and healing in a way that I have never experienced it before.


Mellow said...

I cannot say it enough...Amen. So happy for you this moment in your life. I so understand.

Shrrbyrd said...

WOW... spoken from the heart. I have goosebumps.

Auntie M said...

He is the true definition of "rainbow baby." He has brought hope, light, love, and promise after the storm. Like Luke from the Bible, he is a little healer. What a special little guy he is!

And what a cutiepie he is!! Love that video!

Thank you for sharing so tenderly from your heart, once more.


The Cox Family said...

Love it! Love to watch God moving and healing your family. He makes all things new.

Danielle said...

He is adorable

Amy said...

I totally *heart* him! I miss the baby days so much sometimes.... What an adorable video!

Designs by Dana
© 2011 Designs by Dana
© No content of this blog may be used or re-printed without written permission