I've been thinking a lot about this blog lately.
To me, my blog is like a best friend who walks life with me. It's a safe place for me to pour my heart out, live my life, and work out my faith. My blog connects me with people that I would have never gotten to know over the last few years of my life. Actually, my blog connected me to my very best friend, Molly. Without Molly, I'm not sure where I would be today. (Not to mention that her kids are my kids best friends!)
This blog has been through the darkest days of my life with me.
It sounds stupid, but this blog is deeply engrained in a part of my life.
But things have changed. Life's seasons change, and so does this blog.
I feel like it's time to move forward.
It's no secret that after Joshua's death, we were attacked by people who used Joshua's death to further their cause. It's no secret that there are people who still, to this day, come and leave nasty comments about how I "killed" Joshua or how Luke is a "replacement" baby. I've reached the point of just laughing at these types of comments, but in reality, these types of comments along with knowing that these kinds of people continue to read here simply to rip apart everything that I write, has taken away my sense of security here.
In simpler words, this is no longer a safe place for me.
There are so many things that God is doing in our lives. There are so many doors that are being thrown open for us. Things that I want to share, but out of fear for my family's privacy, I don't want to share too much. For fear of the criticism from close minded people, I don't want to write about the ways that God is working. I don't feel safe. Not here on my blog, and not in my personal life.
I'm at a cross road.
I'm at a point where I need to decide what to do with this blog.
Until this morning, I pretty much decided to shut this blog down and start a new one. A fresh start sounded wonderful. Writing anonymously sounded like the way to go.
But as I'm writing this post, my heart is being challenged. What type of witness am I providing by living in fear? If I leave this blog behind, I am only sharing the pain of our lives and not the amazing blessings that God has been pouring out on our family. I find myself asking if satan is trying to discourage me from sharing because he knows that what God is doing can and will provide an amazing testimony to God's faithfulness to our family.
I've been hesitant to share personal details on here lately. Writing is an all or nothing type of deal for me. I'm either going to share everything or nothing at all.
This is what I need to decide. Do I continue on here or do I move on and start fresh? I thought I had it figured out, but now I'm not so sure.
Be patient with me as I decide.
I'm going to take some time to continue to pray about what to do. If I decide it's time to move on, I will do that. If I decide that I am going to stay here, be prepared for me to continue to put it all out there. If I decide to stay, I will risk the criticism and continue to share how God is working. It's all or nothing, folks!