Sunday, March 4, 2012

Guilty Mom Syndrome

Can you relate?

I'm with the kids all day, every day. I love being home and raising them, but sometimes I just need a break.

Often times I find myself feeling guilty when I need to dump the kids on Shane the minute he walks in the door from work. There are days that I am literally waiting for him at the door, baby in hand, ready to make the pass.

Some days, I don't even get to pee without a small child attached to me or in my presence.

Don't get me wrong. I love these days. I love seeing my children grow and learn, but sometimes a woman just wants to pee in silence.

Today, I'm exhausted. I just need a nap. I'm still up every 2-3 hours at night to nurse Luke. I try not to wake Shane because I know he has to work the next day, and I don't want him to be exhausted, but being up so often is taking it's toll on me.

So, while I count down the hours, minutes, and seconds (1 hour, 14 minutes and 45 seconds.....ahem....) until Shane gets home from work, the tiniest twinge of guilt starts to creep in.

Shane works all day. It's not fair that he has to come home and take care of the kids that I dump on him so that I can finally pee, shower, or eat lunch. He needs time to unwind too. 

That, my friends, is Guilty Mom Syndrome at it's finest.

I'm burned out for the day. I need to rest. I need some time to care for myself- whether it be a nap or a shower ( is 3:50pm and I still have not showered for the day.), or to eat my lunch that has been sitting on the table for 2 hours. I need to dump the kids on Shane! Guilt free.

I appreciate everything that Shane does for us to provide for our family. I'm thankful for the job that he has that allows me to stay home with the kids. I'm thankful for the great company that he works for (seriously, one of the best companies that he has worked for!!!). But I don't feel guilty for dumping the kids on him. He gets to interact with adults all day. I can almost guarantee that during his day, the words, "Please make sure you aim into the toilet," or "No you may not write on the walls," or "Please use a tissue instead of my sleeve," don't once come out of his mouth.

He can pee in silence and with privacy, doesn't have a small baby attached at his breast, and gets to shower when he first wakes up. I don't feel the slightest amount of guilt.

So, hurry home dear! Mama's waitin'!


BlessedMommy said...

Ummm, I've worked full time and now I stay home. When I worked, I had a very physically and mentally challenging job. NOTHING I did while I was employed has even TOUCHED how hard it is staying home.

YOU work hard all day, too. I give the boys to Todd the minute he walks in the door and I take an hour to myself before the dinner-rush starts.

I would go crazy, otherwise.

I actually hate being away from my boys ever... it's not about needing a break from THEM, it's about being able to sit down, eat a snack, pee, etc.

McEngland like the McCountry said...

YES! I LOVE being home with the boys but sometimes I am resentful of being a a stay-at-home mom. I miss being able to compartmentalize my life to some degree. WIth a child in daycare, I could interact with adults and do my job while getting feedback that I was doing great work. I didn't worry that my kids were at home wrecking the place. Now, I think of ways to get the house clean and then get everybody out of the house long enough for it to stay clean for more than 20 minutes... and no one tells you whether or not you are doing a good job, you just have to wing it and say lots of prayers that your child will grow up well-adjusted. That you are giving them what they need.

McEngland like the McCountry said...

Exactly, Girl! The husbands get to ride to and from work without buckling anything more than their own seatbelt. We may be "free" to go grocery shopping whenever we need to but it doesn't exactly feel like a treat when you're wrestling a toddler and an infant in and out of carseats and in and out of supermarket buggies.

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

Neysa- you are exactly right. I don't need to get away from them, I just need some time to rest.

And I worked outside the home too for 3 years. As an elementary school teacher, my days were long and busy. I would come home exhausted, but I'm not sure I was ever this exhausted. It is very hard work staying home.

McEngland like the McCountry said...

Also, how do single moms do it? Seriously, there is an entire top level of heaven reserved for single mothers. I'm convinced. No way could I do this alone.

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

That is the part that is hardest for me. Never knowing if I'm doing a good enough job.

Shane always compliments me on the house or a well cooked meal, but there is still always that burden that I carry about if I'm doing a good enough job or not.

McEngland like the McCountry said...

We're in the trenches right now, Jill. The wife of one of Ben's partners back in VA referred to the elementary school years as "the quiet years". That there was peace from 8:30-2:00 5 days a week during the school year. She called the infant/toddler years (mostly toddler years) "the Trenches" where you just gotta keep your head down and plow on through.

The Real Life of a Red Head said...


Auntie M said...

I am not a mom so I can only imagine how hard your day is! I know men need to unwind from their day too but what better way then rolling around on the floor or playing horsey-something typically frowned on at the office!
BTW-The last job I worked had unisex bathrooms and we had at least 1-2male counter parts that hadn't been taught to aim. The women and 1 other guy in our department tried being funny (signs saying we aim to please, you aim too please or floating cheerios as targets). I was getting ready to come in on a wkend to paint a bullseye on the inside of the darn toilet. The other guy got HR involved. How sad is that! Imagine a whole department getting a letter reminding MEN to AIM. At least you are reminding a child to aim...and for that, future bathroom sharers thank you!!

Amy said...

Girl, I've never in my life had a desire to be a SAHM. Don't get me wrong: I love, love, love boys and my weekends with them. And I love days off with them. I totally wish I could work part-time and be home more often. But I have zero desire to be home all day, every day. I firmly believe that spending 24/7 with anyone -- ANYONE -- including children, husbands, friends, parents, etc.... will drive anyone batty. I don't know how spouses who work together do without killing each other either. I love, love, love my husband. And I love kissing him good-bye every morning as we go to our separate jobs LOL! All that to say: I give a huge hats off to SAHMs. I get two 15-minute breaks and a 30-minute lunch every day. SAHMs get no such luxury. You ladies rock my world!! xoxo

Joy Starks said...

And, I bet Shane doesn't always take the broken cookie!

Beverley said...

Jill, to respond to one of your reply can be a perfect parent and still have children who go astray (Look at God, Adam and Eve!). Do the best you can and on some days that wont be very good, and let God use these days to create your children into the people He needs them to be.

My children are adults, I have survived and so will you, your hubby and children.

Mary Matsuno said...

You need to take care of yourself! If mom isn't happy, no one is happy! If possible, find a kind, caring teenage lady to come help you. She may even come while you are home. You can have your peace, while she watches the kids. If you can't afford it, are you part of a church with a teen group? Sometimes they do outreach assistance. BUT, please take care of yourself!

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