Monday, September 5, 2011

Little Steps Towards Healing

As Shane and I have been preparing for Luke's arrival, we have had to go through some of Joshua's belongings. We have had to decide what we are going to use for Luke, and what we will keep sacred- items that were meant for Joshua and Joshua alone.

It's been a heart wrenching task, but it has brought healing in ways that we weren't sure were going to happen.

Joshua is present in our home. His pictures are all over the walls, his items displayed neatly on a shelf in our living room. Some of his clothes and blankets are used daily for Hannah's baby dolls. His ashes in a small box in our main living area. He is here.

But there are many things that have been too painful for us to display and use.

Until now.

After Joshua died, I longed to hold him- to have something physical to hold that was his.

The idea came to have his clothes turned into a quilt. I loved the thought of being covered by him.

Even though it wasn't the same as having him here, there is something exceptionally comforting about being able to touch items that he once used.

Before Joshua was born, Shane and I frantically researched any information that we could find about Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.

At some point, we stumbled across my friend Amy's blog. Her little boy has HLHS and she was more than willing to offer any experiences and support that she could.

She quickly became a great support for our family and an amazing friend.

After Joshua died, she offered to help us remember him by helping to make a quilt out of his clothes.

Here is what she created.

Isn't it beautiful?

This is the backside. She used Joshua's favorite blue blanket and a couple of the hospital blankets. Simply perfect.

We have had this quilt for almost 6 months now, but it wasn't until recently that we were able to pull it out and incorporate it into our daily use. Looking at the items that Joshua wore and used were painful and heart breaking.

As we move forward, it's the little steps of healing that are the best for our family. Being able to look at and use this quilt shows that we are determined to remember the life lost, but continue to look forward to the future. We will probably even use this quilt to wrap Luke with.

Amy, thank you. Thank you for your gift to our family. Thank you for the care and time that you put into making a beautiful memory for our family. As we continue to honor Joshua's life, it's so comforting to be able to wrap ourselves in his things and simply remember.


Stefenie said...

Amy is a wonderful heart mama to know. What a beautiful thing she did for your family Jill! It turned out great!!

Rj and Jessie said...


Amy Bennett said...

Jill, thank you so much for posting this. If was my privilege to make the quilt and it brings me such happiness to know that it can bring your family even a little bit of peace. Jill, I know I don't comment on your blog that often, but please know that I read it religiously. You are never far from my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing woman of God and His love is so evident through your life, even through your sorrows. You are such a good and faithful servant. Love you.

Bambi C said...

That is beautiful!!! I really just have stuff Mary was suppose to of used and no idea what happened to the onesie she wore when she died.

Kristen said...

That is beautiful.

Krista Phillips said...

LOVE THIS! What an amazing example of the steps toward healing... that blanket is AMAZING!!!! *hugs* Jill!

Anonymous said...

It's beautiful

brooke said...

That is amazing. Really amazing. I am glad you have it. I've been thinking about you lots right now. (And Joshua too.)

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