Weakness

I have a friend who sent me an email with some very profound thoughts that I wanted to share.
This post is part my words, part her words.


She pointed me to 2 Corinthians 12:7-10:

"To keep me from becoming conceited

because of these surpassingly great revelations, 

there was given me a thorn in my flesh, 

a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 

But he said 

"My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is make perfect in weakness." 

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness 

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ's sake, 

I delight in weakness, in insults, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I have read these verses over and over and over about 100 times in my life time. Never, until my friend's email, have they stuck out to me like this.

Paul, who wrote this passage is talking about a thorn in his side- whether it's a physical thorn or just a hardship in his life, no one knows.

But what we do know is that Paul is allowing God to work through his weakness and pain. He is allowing God to bring glory to Himself in ways that would have never happened if it weren't for the thorn.

I have been at my weakest and most vulnerable since Joshua's death. Between the pain of losing him, the attacks on our family, and trying to figure out life without my son to raise, I have been walking blindly, bumping into things, making messes, and hurting myself even more. Some days I don't have enough strength to even get off the couch to shower, cook, or change diapers. There are some days that my children see me cry, literally, all day long. I have begged God, time and time again, to take this from me, take it from Joshua, take it from our family.

But God has been working. Even when I question my faith, God is working. Proving Himself to be true. He has touched lives. Lives of my friend who emailed me. Lives of my old high school friends. Lives of complete strangers. He has been showing His glory through it all.

In my friend's beautiful words:

 "When you lost Joshua, I don't think you realize that many of your friends/readers of your blog feel like we lost him, too.  That sounds selfish, because we don't know you, and we never got the privilege to truly know Joshua. But my mother's heart aches for you, as only a mother's heart can.  And your struggle, Jill, YOUR STRUGGLE IS NOT IN VAIN.  Jesus said, MY power works best in your weakness.  And I believe that it does not just apply to your life, that that power extends to all who know you."

God has been working. He has brought people closer to Him through the life and death of Joshua. He has brought glory to Himself when I simply don't have the energy and desire to even acknowledge His existence. He has used my words, Joshua's life, and the lives of others to spread Truth, Eternal Life, and Love to people across the globe. 

I am so so weak. Some days, I have no desire to even continue on. But God is holding me, making Himself strong in my weakness. I may not be like Paul in the fact that I rejoice in my weakness, but I am willing to let God reveal himself to me and others. 

I pray that God has made Himself evident in your life in some small way. I pray that you know His offer of Salvation though His Son, Jesus Christ. I pray that you know that I am not perfect, that I am weak, but through Him anything is possible- that goes for you too. I pray that you know that God loves you more than anything and wants you to come to Him. He is ready and willing to accept you just as you are.''

"My grace is sufficient for you,  for my power is make perfect in weakness."