Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Ugliness into Beauty

Lately, I find myself praying that God reveals a little bit of Himself to me. I have been struggling with my trust in Him, and I find myself begging Him for something- ANYTHING- that will show me that he is near. He laid a picture on my heart and in my mind. Something that I'm not sure if I can accurately put into words, but I'm going to try. 

He has revealed this to me:

A man.

In one hand he has a rock.

In the other, a chisel.

That man is a master at rock carving.

 He can create the most beautiful of statues and figurines out of the most ugly of rocks.

He searches piles and piles of rocks until he finds the perfect one to use.

One chip at a time- he slowly and painfully transforms that ugly rock into something elegant and beautiful.

Hour upon hour, day after day, he works away at that rock. He taps it just hard enough to break away small pieces. He blows the dust off. He polishes, shines, and protects his work.

The work is painstakingly hard. It takes much patience. Only he can see the completed project. Only he knows how truly beautiful that ugly rock will become.


I am beginning to see myself as the rock, and God as the stone carver.

The day I was born, I was an ugly little rock. As I started learning and growing, God slowly started chipping away pieces of me. He saw my true potential to be truly beautiful and He began His work in me.

He has been working for 27 years. Chipping away. Polishing, dusting, and protecting. He has been breaking off pieces of my rock that needed to removed. He has been slowly exposing the beauty within the rock that is just screaming to be let free.

I feel like this past year, he has been even more aggressive with chipping away pieces of me. He has been taking off big chunks of who I used to be to expose the beauty that only He can see.

Sometimes the force that He uses hurts. It feels like He is going to break me into a million tiny little pieces. But the tenderness and control that He uses, while often times feels harsh and out of control, is actually within the range of his control. He knows exactly what he is doing. He will never allow his hand to slip and shatter me into a million pieces.

God sees the potential in me. He sees what can be done within and through me.He chose me, from a pile of ugly rocks. He saw something unique in me that is screaming to be let free. He is fashioning and chipping away at me to, one day, reveal the true beauty that He knows I can be.

It hurts. I would rather, in my human wisdom, just be left a big ugly rock. But I'm willing to allow God to transform me. I'm willing to allow him to take away the ugly. I'm willing to trust that he will never shatter me completely. I trust that He knows exactly what He is doing at all times.

So while I am hurting, and I don't like being chipped away at, I know that God is going to make me into something beautiful. He is going to create something amazing that he will look at with love and say "Yes, this is good." God will reveal the final product in His time after every last amount of ugliness is removed.

I'm not sure when that will be, or even what shape he is fashioning me into, but I trust that He knows. I know that I'm not done yet. I know that there is still ugliness that needs to be chipped away at, and it is going to continue to hurt. But I know the pain is part of it all. The suffering is part of a bigger picture, that will ultimately turn me into something beautiful.

I'm reminded of this:

"...That he who began a good work in you 
will carry it on to completion
until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6


Beth W. said...

Well said, Jill. I am glad that you are healing and learning. I've been reading Revelation lately, looking at the end results for those who have taken refuge in Jesus and those who don't. It has given me a renewed sense of gratefulness in my God for all He has done for us. We may not know the particulars of the inbetween, but we do know who wins in the end. Continue to be blessed by His word.

Jessica said...

beautiful picture and you discribed it really well. I read this verse today when I was spending time with God and I wanted to share it. "Wherefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the old things are passed away; behold, they are become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17

Deanna said...


The Price Family! said...

Thats amazing! I pray God continues to show himself to you a little more everyday. You are an amazing inspiration to so many women. Thank you for openly sharing your story and heart everyday. I have not been through what you have but you still help me daily.

elizatara28 said...

What you said immediatly made me think of this. I keep this website bookmarked and I go to it often. This skit seems to be what you have thought of. Praying for you!!

Peach said...

Awesome revelation!

Heather said...

Beautiful, except even the rock, at it's beginning is BEAUTIFUL to God!

Jennifer said...

Thank you for sharing this! Its amazing Jill How God is truely speaking to you and because your listening to his voice.. he speaks to us!! Thank you again and again!!

Carla Sue said...

I love it. I love you. It is truely poetic and I am sure that I will think of it often when I feel the chisel on my own rock. *hugs*

Kim said...

It seems to me that if it is taking you this long and hard to figure out who you are and having so much in the jesus, maybe its time to look inwards and not so much at God and jesus. trust in yourself and what YOU can do and put the strength in YOU.. YOU can do this, get through it on your own. Many people (and it seems more people w/out the religious strength you have) has an 'easier' time getting through a tragic grief than you have. My sister lost a son, and is has no religious connections and got through the death in a much 'simpler' way than it seems you are. Its just my opinion, but i think the more you look toward outside forces, the less you take time for your actual self and what you can achieve on your own. You can mold your own rock, just as you are molding your other children. Good Luck.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jill~
My name is Michaela and I have been following your blog for a couple of months now. I have prayed and cried with you through your words! I just wanted you to know that this particular post reminded me of a skit that I have seen before by the skit guys. You can go to youtube type in skit guys chisel and it will bring you to one of the most powerful skits ever. And it just so happens to go along with this blog beautifully.


The Real Life of a Red Head said...

Kim- I appreciate the respectful tone in your comment.

It has only been 3 months since Joshua died. Not only did I experience him dying in my arms, but I also sat by his bedside for 51 days. I don't think 3 months is enough time to "get over" his death.

And while I appreciate the thought of depending on myself and my own strength, I feel like I have none of that. From the moment we received Joshua's heart diagnosis, I knew that I was not strong enough to handle this on my own. I have only gotten through these days of darkness because of the strength that God has given me. It is only through Him that I find peace and comfort.

nabrissa said...

so happy he gave you this picture, so glad you were open and attentive to see it and to get what he was showing you through it! sometimes we're so caught up in our lives and all and so we miss these, that they're from the Lord and that he's trying to tell us something through these... I love when he does stuff life this, it's soooo cool! ;0)

anyway, yay!

CHD Fighter said...

Jill this is beautiful ... I now feel at peace with a lot of things after reading this and I will re-read this when I need to remember this ... no matter how hard the Master of Life chisels away at me I know he's doing it so everyone can see the beauty that shines inside <3

Heather said...

WOW ~ what a post!!!! This is so moving and I can't thank you enough for posting it. It definitely brightened the start of my day and I thank you, Jill, for that sunshine!! God is sharing your beauty with us as he chisels away ... much love to you!!!

Jamie said...


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