Saturday, January 15, 2011

I Doubt Because It's Real

I have thought long and hard about shutting off comments all together on my blog to avoid the mean ones. However, it's because of some really profound readers friends, that I refuse to do it. It's because of words like this that really mean so much to me!

As you know, I've really been struggling lately with this faith of mine. I've had to ask questions about my faith that I have never had to ask before. I've had to look long and hard at this God that I have loved so completely and trusted so fully.

Just a few days ago, I posted this. It was written after I started to begin to feel some peace and renewed strength about my faith.

It was on that post that I received an amazingly beautiful comment from a reader that has been so encouraging wtih her words. Her comment stated everything that I have been feeling but didn't have the right words to express..

 God can take the anger,
the "go to hell" the "I'm done with you"
because if you didn't have the gift of Faith in God,
you wouldn't be mad or blame him.
God can handle your blame and your grief
 because it means that you believe.
God is real and you know it.

God is real and I know it. I can feel those things, say those things, threaten those things because I know He is real. Otherwise, what would be the point?!

Profound huh?

That amazing blurb of a comment brought so much perspective to my struggles. I'm not doubting God's "real-ness." He is real. He is evident in my life. By blaming him, questioning Him, and being angry with Him is acknowledging that He is real. I'm not questioning my faith- I'm just hurt. And God can handle it.

Thank you Katy for your wise and extremely profound words.


brookie said...

No one would blame you if you stopped your blog. The bad folks are very evil to you. But you are too brave for that crap. I am so glad that you haven't given in to them.

baby foot fluff said...

the human capacity for spite and meanness is certainly present, isn't it? but how lovely it is that the capacity for compassion seems to dwarf it!

Rainy said...

All I can say is AMEN! How profound a statement and just when you needed it. It is so easy to focus on the hurtful things that people would love to inject into your life and harder to ignore them. Thank you for fighting to see the wonderful comments and taking what you need from them. :) (((hugs)))

Amanda said...

More thoughts on doubt...kinda long:

During a crisis of faith I came across a short passage in Karl Barth’s Church Dogmatics in Outline that addressed the issue of unbelief. To paraphrase, Barth writes that we are often fearful of unbelief and that the Christian is often shaken when she experiences moments of doubt. He describes the panicky self-scrutiny that takes place when Christians begin to weigh their beliefs and their unbelief on a metaphorical scale. If our belief outweighs our unbelief we are “in”; if our unbelief outweighs of belief we are “out.” This is a faulty way of thinking, Barth explains, because a single kernel of belief is far weightier than multitudes of unbelief. This understanding relieved much of my anxiety and allowed me to rest in the power of the single belief that Jesus Christ is the risen Lord.

Jessica said...

God will never give us anything that we can't handle. He will be with us through everything.


*Alice* said...

Once you lose your child you doubt everything in your life I know I did but it doesnt mean those doubts will be there forever, you just have to wait to find them again. Do whatever you feel you have to do in order to get through each and every day.

McEngland like the McCountry said...

You are welcome. You are helping more than you will ever ever know by being brave enough to share your struggles.

Jennifer said...

Jill- I am so thankful that you have stayed on this blog! This last post just made me feel so much better because of the struggles I have been going through as well and I keep wondering about my faith and this last blog you wrote , makes me feel alot better and I feel so blessed to have you in my life!! I thank the Lord for you!!!

your friend

Deidre said...

Wow... I needed that post Jill!!! I haven't been back to church since the day I sent you that text asking you to pray for me... I was openly admitting to the pastor and whomever was standing around that I am still so very angry but I know that's okay. I guess maybe I feel a little ashamed, I don't know but I do know this post spoke to me! Thank you for sharing dearest Jill!!!

Wayne and Sue Rasmussen said...

I can't believe there are still people who feel justified in posting horrible comments. Hopefully the plethora of positive comments outweigh the few thoughtless ones that show up.

Sparklyfarts said...

I hope you never have to disable comments again. I hope if it ever needs to come to that you have someone moderate them for you to weed out the awful ones. So many people love and support you and your blog I'm sure is helping others. Even a grumpy butt like me draws strength for you and from your blog.

Keep on sparkling :)

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