Giving

I catch myself these day. Dreaming. Desiring. Wishing.

Not for earthly things. But to give. Time. Energy. Resources. I'm hungry to give to others so they can experience the love that God has for them.

My heart has been broken. I will never be the same. We have been given much through Joshua's life and death. God has provided for our every need at the exact moment we need it.

We have been able to give more than we have ever expected to because of Joshua. Each gift we give, brings me to tears because without Joshua and his life, we would never be able to do it.

I find joy in giving. I find peace in giving.

My children have caught on to this without us even explicitly teaching them. Caleb and Hannah want to give their pennies. They want to give their toys (not all, but some). They want to give their clothes that are too small.

As we come into the holiday season, my emotions and my heart are torn. I am so thankful, but I'm also crushed. My sweet baby won't be here with us, but the changes he has made in us and others will be here throughout the season.

I want to honor him by giving. No matter how big or small. A few pennies goes along way in God's kingdom when given with a joyful heart.