Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Nothing profound- just random thoughts

I wish I had something profound to blog today. I've been sitting here for almost 20 minutes trying to come up with some sort of inspiration for a blog post.

Truthfully, there is nothing. Joshua is doing well. I'm doing alright. (Or at least pretending to.) Shane and the kids are at home. Life is going on.

Joshua gained weight last night. Not a ton, but enough to satisfy me. He however has started some serious projectile vomiting/reflux. They are adjusting how quickly he bolus feeds so hopefully that will help some. Other than that, he's just a happy little guy who loves to watch his mobile and be snuggled by mommy.

I'm holding up. My body is still healing from the birth and I'm trying to ignore the aches, pains, and weight that has not magically disappeared. I'm tired, my back aches, and feel like a frumpy mess half the time, but I'm here and taking care of my sick baby- spending 15+ hours a day in the NICU. What should I expect?

I'm struggling a bit with lonlieness. I miss my family. I miss my house. I miss my friends. I miss everyday, normal life. Although, everyday normal life is a thing of the past for me. Once Joshua and I come home, everything will be different- it will never go back to "normal." I think about coming home and how sheltered we are going to have to be. How careful with germs, visitors, and going out we will need to be. I'm probably even going to have to be one of those crazy moms who puts a sign on Joshua's carseat saying "Please don't touch the baby." I have never been that high strung with my parenting.

I'm having some physical issues that I'm not sure what to think of. The lower right side of my back is achey...inside achey...I also am wondering if maybe I have a bladder infection. I really should probably call my doctor, but I know that will mean going home to be checked out. I can't stand the thought of leaving my baby to drive 2 hours away. Maybe I'll just go to someone out here....or maybe I'll continue to try to ignore it for a few days and see if it goes away. It could just be exhaustion setting in. Who knows.

Shane and I have been talking alot about our finances (or lack of.) Since I've had to quit my jobs, what little income I brought in is obviously no more. We have thankfully qualified for food stamps, medicaid for all 3 kids, and one time help with our utilities this winter. We've also been trying to decide what to do with our house. It's been on the market for a few months as a short sale. We've told our realtor to not be too horribly agressive with getting it sold because, while it's on the market, we don't have to pay our mortgage. Right now, we simply don't have the money to pay for rent somewhere if our house were to sell. However, after I get home, we are going to start getting agressive with getting it sold. Apparently there is a new government program that we qualify for that once we close we will receive $3000 cash back. That can pay for rent somewhere for about 6 months. Hopefully after Joshua's 2nd surgery I can go back to work, at least part time and things won't be quite as tight.

There is just a lot going on in our lives right now. I try to focus my energy on Joshua and getting him well enough to come home. I'm trying to avoid thinking about the rest of the world that is going on around us that we are missing out on. I'm continuing to trust that God has a plan for all of this.

Sorry for not having anything horribly interesting to post about today. It feels good to get some of that stuff down and out of my head.

1 comment:

Joye said...

I think this time is one of the hardest in the hospital. Yes, it's extremely difficult to hand your child over for open heart surgery, but once things have calmed down, and your baby is looking as he is, it's hard to convince yourself that you still need to be in the hospital, and not home with everything and everyone in which you find comfort.

We had a hang tag that the Synagis company gave us that said "Please wash your hands before touching mine". We hung it on Ethan's carrier and people were very compliant. If I can find it, I'd love to send it to you!

 
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