Tuesday, July 20, 2010

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to....

So....I'm 35 weeks....and I'm hot....and tired.....and achey....

I'm starting to swell.....my hips cannot spread anymore without just falling apart.....my lower back can't curve another inch to make up for my bulging belly....my legs could not possibly cramp more unless they start to cramp permenantly.....I can't lift my left leg or use it to turn over at night without my lower abdomen feeling like it's on fire....my hormones and emotions are making me insane- one minute I'm crying, the next I'm angry, the next I'm fine....and my poor husband.....i don't want him to even hug because every inch of my body aches- poor man....

There is no room on my lap for Caleb and Hannah to snuggle. I can't seem to ever pull my chair out far enough at the dining room table, and my maternity clothes are too small- forcing me to wear cut off sweats or athletic pants.

I want to say that I just want to be done...That i'm ready to be done.....

If this were a normal pregnancy, I would be begging for Mr. Joshua to make his appearance sooner rather than later. But, nothing seems to be "normal" anymore.

So I'm torn. Torn between hoping 39 weeks comes faster than we can imagine, and wanting to keep him in there forever.

I'm really not a big fan of this pregnancy stuff and I'm struggling to find it "fair" that after all the pain and frustration, that I won't get to bring my healthy baby boy home right after birth. I won't be able to show him off to our family and friends without worry that he will catch a sickness that can kill him.  I won't be able to do the regular "post pregnancy" activities like nursing, snuggling, and introducing him to Caleb and Hannah.

I hate to be a downer, but man....I'm struggling with the phsycial pain of it all today and my emotions seem to be running high. I'm sure in the next hour 10 minutes I'll be in a good mood again....but for now....just let me whine and cry.

6 comments:

Stefenie said...

You can whine and cry all you want. {{{HUG}}}

kirsten michelle said...

Whine and cry all you want!! I've been having a lot of the same feelings about wanting to keep him in there forever, but already feeling like it's going to get harder and harder to be pregnant.

Hugs to you, and lots of love and prayers.
kirsten

Christine said...

I'm right there with you. *HUGS*

Anonymous said...

ditto on the hugs! with all this pregnancy has brought, you have every right to voice your frustrations...whine, cry, scream shout...God listens to it all as music to His ears...

Leah

Krissy said...

You have the right to whine! It's terrible being pregnant in the summer. I was with both of my girls and it was the peak of the pregnancy and peak of summer. Just stay cool and relax!

http://theartsymom.tk

Jen said...

I had those same feelings- totally normal! You are right, it's YOUR blog and you whine away! :) It is so healthy to journal your feelings. You'll be glad you did.

I've been on vacation and am just now catching up on blogs! I'm always thinking of baby Joshua and he's in my prayers!

Jen

 
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