Saturday, May 1, 2010

God Reveals Himself (This is going to be a long one)

Ok....yesterday I had a melt down. We got the letter from the IRS and I just lost it. There is so much going on in our lives, and that was just the icing on the cake. It pushed me over the edge. (normally something like this letter would not overwhelm me, but on top of everything else it was too much.)

At first I just started crying, but then, the crying turned into sobbing. The sobbing turned into full blown hyperventaliation. My face became paralyzed, my fingers were stuck in a completely unnatural position, my toes and legs were numb. I was seeing stars and thought I was going to pass out.

I quickly picked up the phone and called someone to come over. I could hardly dial because my fingers were stuck and I couldn't talk because my face was paralyzed. I thought for sure by the time she got here, she would find me passed out on the couch and have to call 911.

In that insane moment of complete and utter defeat, I reminded myself that this is exactly the reaction Satan wants out of me. He wants me to be so overwhelmed, defeated, and crushed that I can't even speak. I told myself I was not going to pass out and that I needed to calm myself down.

By the time my friend got here, my fingers were still stuck, face still paralyzed, and still seeing stars. But I was calming down. She sat with me, prayed with me, and I told her I was ok. I needed to go get my babies, and then just wanted to be out of the house with them. She left.

Before I went and got the kids, I picked up my Bible. I asked God to reveal his promises to me. I needed some reassurance, and the ONLY place that was going to come from was from God's Word.

Back up a few days ago, as I was reading the book of Joshua, I was reminded that Joshua's name mean's "The Lord Saves". Long before we knew any of this was going to happen, we had decided that Joshua was going to be named Joshua after 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Then, Shane's grandma reminded me that Joshua was a fighter and a warrior. Fitting for our little Joshua.

Back to yesterday, God led me to Deuteronomy 8:1-9 (This is my paraphrase) God led the Israelites through the desert for 40 years. Provided for their every need, tested their faith in Him. He humbled them, caused them to hunger, thirst, and fear. Yet, he brought them to the Promise Land.


As I was reading that, I thought, I sure do feel like the Israelites right now. Begging God to bring me to the Promise Land. We keep getting attacked at all angles, whether it be financially, more bad news, another complication, etc.

Those few verses reminded me of God's promise to us. To care for us, give us exactly what we need, when we need it. But then again, Shane's grandma reminded me who led the Israelites into the Promise Land.....and of course it was Joshua.

I'm not saying that our Joshua is going to save us. Only God can do that, but I'm amazed at how God gave me His word, His promise, and He will never forsake us. I'm amazed at how God put the name Joshua on our hearts before any of this happened, and how He is using the name to provide comfort to us.

I am resolved to NEVER have a reaction like I did yesterday ever again. I am not going to give Satan that foot hold. My God is bigger than any of this. He will provide for our every need at the exact moment that we need it.

3 comments:

Cindy said...

Jill,
God DEFINTELY has a hand in all of this. It is very clear! Everything that has and is currently happening is God's way of refining you and Shane into the gems you are meant to be.
Continue to fight the good fight and don't allow Satan to hang on to you. He's scared spitless and he's grasping at straws to try and make you bend. STAND FIRM AND BE OF GOOD COURAGE!
Bless you my friend!

The Cox Family said...

Love it! God is so faithful! I have to say that last night I was laying in bed thinking and I started thinking about all this stuff I have to do. (random stuff like bills to pay, debt to pay off, papers that seem to pile up around the house, etc) I started to let it get to me. I could feel the anxiety in my chest. Then I just started repeating Phil. 4:4-7 over and over and took hold of Jesus's power to help me get through that moment. I know it's nothing compared to what you are dealing with, but it just reminded me of the power of the Word.
BTW-I'm working with some friends, etc. to see what we can get together to help you guys out. I know you are going to say no, but DEAL WITH IT! ;o) love you!

Monica Rafie said...

You know, that is one of the good things about having a baby w/ a life-threatening set of defects . . . scripture really pops out at you, and all manner of little (and big) signs from God begin to show up . . . especially when you need them the most. It's a kind of adventure: what will He tell me today?

Praying for you!

 
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