What do I pray for?

Friday. It's a dreaded day. The day that will give us a much clearer picture of what we are dealing with.

Friday is the day we will receive the preliminary results of the amnio that tested for Trisomy.

If you aren't familiar with Trisomy here is a quick (very uneducated overview) of what I know. I know that there are a few different types of Trisomy. It is a chromosonal defect that is often times fatal. Trisomy 13, 16, and 18 are all fatal. Trisomy 21 is Down's Syndrome. (if this info is wrong, PLEASE correct me...i've tried NOT to research it until I know that I absolutely HAVE to....)

The doctors tested for Trisomy because Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome can be an indicator of any of the Trisomy's. If any of the Trisomy's are present (with the exception of Trisomy 21) the baby will not survive, and they will not even attempt surgery.

Here is my struggle. Do I pray for Trisomy to be present? If it is, Joshua will be spared many open heart surgeries, doctor's visits, medications, and the chances of eventually facing the possibility going into heart failure. Precious baby Joshua will go home to Jesus and live in the presnence of God Himself. BUT, we will have to deal with the loss of a child. We will have an emptiness that can not be filled. We will have to face watching our child die and saying good bye.

Do I pray that Trisomy is not present? If it's not, he will be whisked away within hours, maybe a few days, to have the first of 3 open heart surgeries. His chances of survival not the greatest depending on how sick he is. He will then have to face another 2 surgeries before his 5th birthday along with a long list of medicines, and doctor's visits. We will be faced with long NICU stays, financial hardships, among many other obstacles.

Please dont' think that I don't want my precious baby to live....It's to the point of "choosing" between bad and worse and I'm not sure which one is which.....this is not something I ever signed up to do. I don't know what to hope for. I don't know what to pray for. I don't know what to think.
 

I guess for now, I just need to focus on right now. Loving my children, my husband, my God. Laughing, living, praising. I guess for now, I just need to continue to rely on the support, encouragment and prayers of my friends and family who are all hurting right along with me and Shane. Right now I just need to rest in God's loving arms and trust that He is carrying us through.

Edit: After reading this over and reading a few comments and facebook messages, I am reminded that I ultimately just need to pray that God is honored. I need to pray that God's Will be done and no matter what that looks like, He will be glorified through all of it. I need to pray for comfort and peace for baby Joshua, peace for Shane and me, and ultimately, that no matter what, God be the center of it all. I'm not going to even question what to pray for. I'm just simply going to pray. Whatever that means, and however the Holy Spirit moves me to pray. I hope you do the same.