Wednesday, April 21, 2010

How?

How am I going to make it through today?

How do I explain it to everyone who will ask what yesterday's appointment revealed?

How do I continue on with life as normal after our lives have been tossed violently upside down?

How do I care for my children when I, myself, can't make it through even an hour without crying?

How do I help Shane, who is hurting just as much as I am, get through this?

How did God decide that we are who He wanted for Joshua's parents? Why does he think we are strong enough?

How is Joshua's life going to glorify God?

How do we celebrate all of the milestones that we were told would not happen due to the hemorrhage, when in fact every milestone brings us closer to open heart surgery, weeks- if not months- in the NICU, or even possibly death?

How can I love a child so completely and fully and never have met him? How can I cry so many tears over a child who weighs just 1 pound and 4 ounces? How can my heart feel like it is ripped in two? Will the pain end? How do I overcome this?

6 comments:

Amy said...

I must've read last night's post 12 times and I STILL couldn't come up with words to say. And the truth is, I still don't have them. I wish I did. I am definitely praying for you & your family.

Cindy, T, Brad and Sarah said...

No one can have the words that will comfort you and Shane more than the Word of God. God's promises are true and His purpose will be shown through all of this, even if it isn't in your time frame.

We will continue to pray that the Lord Jesus will wrap His loving arms around you, Shane and even Caleb and Hannah so tightly that you will hardly be able to breathe. I know that He already is loving on Joshua and holding him tightly too.

God knows what He is doing even if we don't. We don't always have to know what God is up to - we just have to go where He leads and stick to Him like glue and trust that all that is going on is for His Glory.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to you. Just know we are there for you no matter what.

Cindy, T, Brad and Sarah

Leah said...

PRAYING...praying for peace and wisdom. praying that you can make it minute by minute, hour by hour until gradually you can begin to breathe again. PRAYING...praying for you, Shane, Caleb, Hannah, and precious Joshua! PRAYING...

Grey-Eyed Mom said...

I really don't know what to say, Jill. I am so sorry that you are going through this. But you are a strong amazing woman and you can get you and Joshua through this. I'm praying for you.

rccalyn said...

I just read your post - wow. Such a struggle to go through! I'll be praying for you and your family, and little Joshua.

Marilyn Straughan said...

Hugs and love from Gramma

 
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