23 weeks....

Today I'm 23 weeks. With that comes so many emotions. Just a week ago, I would have been rejoicing in the simple fact that Joshua is so close to viability. 24 weeks is when Joshua has a decent chance of surviving outside the womb.

Today is a day that I want to celebrate still having new life growing safely inside me. Today is a day that I look down at my belly, jumping around while Joshua kicks and squirms, and I thank God for sparing his life so far.

BUT.....today brings us another week closer to our new reality. Another week closer to open heart surgeries, uncertainty, extended stays in the NICU away from my family, and extreme trials for our my marriage, finances, and faith.

24 weeks is no longer viability. If sweet sweet Joshua were born at 24 weeks, the life saving surgery that he will need, can not be performed. We were so close....so close to being safe....and now that's gone....

Today is the day that, despite my heartache and sorrow, I am, in fact, rejoicing in God's miracle of Joshua's life. Today is the day that I am trying to thank God for these trials. Today is the day that I am loving my baby with all of my being, and praying with every part of me that God continue to hold him close.