Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I hate this, but He loves me.

Tonight is a bad night. I'm feeling like crap. My lower back hurts, i'm nauseous, i'm cramping, bleeding (for the 17th day), and have a headache. I'm feeling sorry for myself, and cranky as all get out. I feel like crap. In an attempt to distract myself, and being the facebook addict that I am, I decided to take a peek on facebook, and possibly play a game of farkle. Did I mention that I feel like crap? Did I mention that I hate this? I just wish I felt good. I just wish I didn't have the worry. Don't worry, I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

As I was surfing facebook in a pathetic attempt to distract myself from my own misery, I came across a video. This video to be exact. (Posted by one of my amazing children's ministry volunteers- Chad! Thanks Chad!)

This is the exact song that I wrote about a few weeks ago about God's love, but apparently I'm a complete fool and forgot all about what it means to my life.

After looking like a complete moron crying like a dang fool watching this video, I forced myself to give up my bad attitude. I hate having to give up my bad attitude. I would much rather wallow in self pity. But that's not right. It's selfish. And it doesn't make anything any easier.

So here I am, still feeling like crap, but feeling like crap in the arms of Jesus. At least there is comfort there. And He loves me. That's all I need.

(I apologize for using crap and Jesus in the same sentence. It was a better alternative to the other word I was wanted to use.)


Amy said...

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this post! Without going into detail, I'll say I have a situation going on in my life that has me constantly reminding and encouraging myself to trust God (I have to trust God...it's totally in His hands!)! Because really, I do trust Him. But then I feel fear, anxiety, and hopelessness creep in and I want to try to take back control of the situation, when there's no possible way for me to do so... Then I feel guilty for feeling fear, anxiety, and hopelessness because I'm afraid that means I'm not putting all my faith in God, when I'm trying so hard to. So to know that someone else feels those things too, I guess it makes me feel a little more normal. Thank you for writing these things!!!

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

God created us with emotions. He created us in His likeness. I feel that part of that is the emotional aspect. I think it means so much more to Him when we struggle with those feelings and then finally give them up to Him. It's that whole concept of free will. He loves when we choose Him in any capacity!

Anonymous said...

Jill, I love you! Even when you feel like crap and want to wallow in self pitty, you still seem to amaze me! You are an amazing person! God definitely has you in His arms!!!! Be strong girl!! :)

Katie said...

ohh.. I don't have an acct... this is Katie from facebook (krs6580@hotmail.com). LOL didn't mean to make it say anonomys... although thats kinda cool too. :)

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