Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I've been writing more.
I've needed to be writing more.
For some reason the struggle seems to be getting the best of me.
Today, as I scrolled through Facebook, I was once again reminded of the fragility of life.
As I scrolled through my timeline, I saw pictures of new babies being born, an adoptive couple finally holding a long awaited for baby in their arms, a mama and her baby reuniting with a husband/daddy who has been serving overseas. There is joy and rejoicing in those posts and it brings my soul happiness to see them.
But then there was the news that a little boy, who I have grown to love through his mama's words, entered into Heaven today. David had HLHS just like Joshua.
It's days like today that I have to find the balance between life and loss. I have to find a way to grieve but to celebrate the life that we have.
As I sit on my back patio, writing this post to the hum of bullfrogs and the laughter of children (something I would have never dreamed that I would be doing), I'm just not sure how to process it all: The blessings that came out of Joshua's life, the longing for him to still be here, the knowledge that God knows the number of all of our days, the understanding of what my friend Jennifer is facing in the upcoming days.
Some days it all seems too much to take in. How do I celebrate a new life when a life has been lost way too soon? How do I continue to be thankful for the blessings that Joshua's life and death brought to our family while continuing to miss him as if a piece of me has died? How do I continue to submerse myself into the CHD community when I have to continue to face these devastating losses?
As I am still and try to listen to the teachings of the Holy Spirit, I hear him reminding me that it all has purpose. Every breath that we take, every person we meet, everything that we do. Everything has a purpose. It may be hard to comprehend what is going on around us, it may hurt to love and share life with others, but it does indeed have a purpose, and God continues to remain faithful and good through it all.
Today, I'm clinging to the promise that God is near to the broken hearted. I'm praying for my friend Jennifer and her husband and daughter. I'm praising God for the compassion in my heart to reach out to these families and to continue to celebrate and live life. But I can't deny the tears. They are part of the process. They are all part of loving and losing.