Wednesday, September 5, 2012

It hits

It hits me sometimes.

There are no words to describe the pain and sadness that I feel.

I miss him.



I miss him so damn much.

It's hit. The sadness has come. And I can't hold back the tears.


4 comments:

A Daft Scots Lass said...

*beeg hugs*

Amy said...

Love & hugs to you, my sweet friend <3

Jessica said...

Love you. Praying for you. You are an amazing mom and you loved that baby so much. you are still an AMAZING mom to your children here on earth. You will see him again and he will forever be remembered by me and by the 500+ people that read this amazing blog. This blog is so awesome because its like a tribute and memorial for him. I love coming here and reading about him and about how God is providing for your family. Know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk. I mean that seriously. You can always email me or facebook me. I am here as your sister in Christ. It's okay to cry and let your emotions out. your hurting and that is okay. Blessings.

Auntie M said...

Oh Jill!!!
How could it not come? Having the milestone of his 2nd birthday means also a countdown to that day when he left his earthly home...and that milestone, frankly, sucks!

I look at this picture of your precious, beautiful son and cry for you & with you because, in a good & perfect world, Joshua should be here & your heart shouldn't be broken.

And I hate that it isn't that perfect world. I truly, truly do.

Yes, it's great to have faith & to know that, one day, you will be reunited with him in that Perfect Place--it does! But in the meantime...it sucks. Plain & simple.

This doesn't negate the joy & love you have for your other wonderful children in any way. Nor does it somehow show a lack of faith in God. Nor does it mean your heart hasn't healed at all. But the simple truth is: one of your children isn't here & that leaves a raw & gaping wound that God the Father understands (why do you think the earth went dark when His Son died?).

And it takes a long time for such wounds to even begin to "heal." And by "heal" I mean the rawness is slowly covered by a scar. So that the pain is shielded a bit. But you will always carry with you this Scar, this Badge--consider it a Badge of Honor: for you ARE & always will be: the Mother of Joshua.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” Kahlil Gibran

I love you!
~Mary

 
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