Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I'm Not Sure.

I can't seem to get my mind to come up with the words that I want to share.

I'm not sure if it's the massive amount of things that need to be done over the next few weeks.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm trying to learn to let grief continue to have it's way with me as I am still mourning, 2 years later.

I'm not sure if it's because, as the time comes closer to move to our new home, I am reminded of God's grace and mercy, yet so completely mystified by His plan for my life.

I'm not sure if it's the steroids that I've been prescribed to help get some fluid off my knee- (my anxiety has been at an all time high because of the unexplained pain in my knee.) Let's just say I have been a little big HIGH WIRED these past few days.

I'm just not sure what is going on with me.

I have found myself in a place, emotionally, that I'm not sure what to do with. I find that deep down, at the very core of who I am, there is Peace. Peace that comes only from God. There is peace, and trust, and hope.

But on the surface, there is sadness, anxiety, stress, and exhaustion.

I want to find a place of rest. I want to find a place where the Peace outweighs the exhaustion and anxiety.

I have been challenged lately by some loving and truthful friends to keep searching. To keep reading God's words to find that peace. To keep trusting in His promises.

I've been digging. I've been searching my heart out. I have been crying out to God.

I feel Him moving, and I hear Him saying, "In my timing. Rest in me and I will bring that peace."

So, I wait. I wait for the stress to be over. I will continue to wait for Him to show up to show His Glory. I will continue to trust in His plan for my life. In the mean time, I continue to ask for grace and truth from those around me.


Auntie M said...

Bless you, my dear! This is one of the reasons I love Psalms--all the ranges of emotions are explored there by David.
Take it easy on yourself, continue to trust in the Lord, and continue to surround yourself with friends who love you & will speak the truth to you while also walking alongside you in your grief.

Krystal said...

I have been thru my own troubles before and tho it is not losing a child... this has helped me. Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Lean on the Lord and you will make it thru this time.... Praying for you!

Auntie M said...

I love that scripture!!! To laugh without fear of the future!!! I love that!!! I don't think I remember ever really reading that before...though I obviously must have read it before...I just didn't READ it before! Thanks for sharing!!

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