Friday, June 29, 2012

Counseling Goodness

I've been going to counseling for a while now.

It has been so good for me. It has given me tools to help with my anxiety and lack of self esteem. It has helped me realize that I cannot take responsibility for the people around me. It has also validated a lot of my feelings and frustrations about life in general.

One of the most powerful things that my therapist has helped me to understand is that I need to allow myself to be loved. I need to trust in myself and remind myself that "I AM good enough."

I've lived my whole life not feeling good enough.

My entire life, I've been made to feel that anything that I said, did, or felt were wrong in some capacity.

Now, I know that is not true. I am good enough. I am worthy of love.

Lately, I feel like God has been providing me with relationships that reinforce that I am good enough. He has provided me with 2 extremely secure relationships in which I actually feel safe and valued. Because of those relationships, I am able to stand up for myself. I have been given the strength to cut others out of my life that do not contribute to the healthy environment that I am trying to create, not only for myself, but for my husband and children.

And guess what? It has been empowering.

There have been situations that have come up recently that I have been able to say no and mean no- rather an questioning my sanity or doubting myself, I have been able to stand my ground and express the fact that my decisions are good enough. I have been able to set boundaries and not carry the responsibility of other's actions. They are not mine to carry.

I have been given a gift in counseling. A gift to figure out how to live after so much has changed. I have been given a chance to break the cycle of emotional distress and even possibly abuse. I have been allowed to teach my children that sometimes I mess up, that they are good enough, and are worthy of love.

I still have a long way to go, but I'm working on it and it feels GOOD.


Carolyn Watson-Dubisch said...

Good for you! I struggle with this too, but solid relationships do help.

Heather said...

This post is just another reason I admire you Jill ... I have never met you but I hope there comes a day that we come face-to-face so I can give you a great big HUG! I, like you have been in counseling for a long time and have learned so much and have so much more learning to do! Thank you again for opening yourself up with such a powerful post! Happy 4th ... enjoy your holiday!

Lisa said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is always good to know that we are not alone in our struggles, no matter how big or small. May God continue to bless you on your journey and give you strength to carry through

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