Saturday, March 24, 2012

You Get It All

A few posts ago, I wrote about how I wasn't sure what to do with this blog any more.

As I was writing that post, I was fairly sure that the end of this blog was in the very near future. I've been struggling with feeling safe here. I've been not wanting to share details of my life with my readers out of fear of what will be said or thought. I've also been feeling like I want to move forward with life, and this blog is a constant reminder of my pain, sorrow, and struggles from the past 3 years.

As I wrote that post, I was preparing to say good bye. But then, as I was typing the words, I felt convicted. I have shared so much of my pain and struggles here in this space. Would it be right to give it all up simply because I'm afraid?

Like I mentioned earlier, God has been moving in some mighty ways in our life. He has been opening doors that we never in a million years thought would be opened. He has been guiding our steps and making our paths clear, and I don't feel right not sharing. Especially when I keep it to myself because I'm afraid!

As I wrote that post, I felt a small voice saying that now is not the right time to quit. Right now is not the right time to move on. There is still work to be done here. I have been praying about it and asking God to make it extremely clear. Well, He has.

In plain and simple terms, you are going to get it all. I am going to continue on. I am not going to start a new blog. (at least not yet...)

I will be honest about something though. I am struggling with this decision. I live in fear. I am afraid of what others will say about the things that I write. Combine my fears with the fact that I just don't feel as "fierce and feisty" as I used to be, I'm still not fully convinced that this is the right place for me. BUT, I do feel like my job here is not quite finished yet. Because of that, I will continue on until I feel the Holy Spirit telling me that I'm done.

In the very near future, I'm going to be sharing with you a few of my newest adventures. I'm involved in an amazing new "ministry" of sorts. Our family is also going to be moving at the end of the summer. The story of our move and our new home is quite amazing- God has provided for our every need and basically plopped it into our laps without any effort on our part. I can't wait to share what He's been up to, how all of this is falling into place, and how incredibly faithful God has been to our family even though my words and actions have been so undeserving of His blessings over the past 2 years.

With all of that being said, I want to make one thing completely clear. I will NOT tolerate any sort of mean or hateful comments on this blog. For posts that are older, I have comment moderation turned on. I will NOT publish comments that are rude, hateful, or just trying to cause trouble. I also WILL NOT publish comments regarding circumcision (still a topic that I refuse to comment or debate about). I don't care if you think I am censoring just to have butterflies and rainbows shot up my butt. You can disagree with the things that I write, and as long as you are respectful and kind about it, your comments will be published and/or kept. If by chance a nasty or controversial comment gets through, I DO NOT want you to try to come to my defense or start fights. My intent with this blog is to have a safe place, free from drama and heated debate. I am a big girl and can push the beautiful delete button on any comment that I don't like or feel like it doesn't add to the general feel of my blog.

I know that sounds jerky of me, but if I'm going to continue to blog here, I just wanted to be completely clear that I do, in fact, delete comments. I just don't have the time, energy, and desire to fight, bicker, or debate.

Whew....now that that is out of the way, be looking out. I will be sharing some exciting things in the next few days/weeks! Although I'm nervous about it, I'm also excited to continue sharing our story with all of you!

19 comments:

Angela said...

Praise God!! Seriously you and your journey is blessing to me. The good. The bad. And the beautiful. Can't wait to hear about your newest adventures. (((Heart Hugs)))

Jessica said...

Thank you for continuing to share with us. I am excited to hear about your new adventures. Blessings to you and your family!

Amy said...

Yay!!!!!

Amy said...

Yay!!!!!

kinbc said...

I'm so happy that you're going to continue on. You truly are a "bright spot" in this world and I look forward to hearing more about the upcoming changes in your life. :)

Jess said...

AMEN!

Tracy said...

I know I don't comment often, but I do love reading about your family and your journey through this grief with His help. You write with such passion and openness that I can understand how that could be exhausting and scary to keep a public blog going. I'm glad that for now you're not leaving this blog- and wanted you to know that.
Thank you,
Tracy

Stephanie, Daughter of the Risen King said...

'Butt'erflies... nice visual. Welcome back. Pee pee on fear. It doesn't come from God and can't be tolerated. Kick it 'til it sees butterflies. Strong opinions from some one who has no idea, for sure. I could never read that garbage, it invoked hate in me so I had to avoid it. Entirely.

McEngland like the McCountry said...

Glad you are sticking it out! I can't wait to hear about God giving you all the tools you need!

jessie.kennedy said...

Jill -
I am a frequent lurker but just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I am glad you decided to continue your blog . . . I think the journey you have been through and the way you have written about it are worthy of sharing.
I am a nurse in a pediatric cardiac intensive care unit . . . your love and parenting of Joshua has always resonated with me. Just thought you would like to know that someone that works with heart babies everyday is inspired by you.
Blessings to you and yours this Sunday morning and every day.
Thanks,
Jessie - Charleston, SC

Liz said...

Your struggles are often our struggles, though we may not like to admit it. Your blog has been a big encouragement to me with what I'm going through personally. Thank you for not ending this blog and for being so transparent and vulnerable with your followers. God is using you far more than you could imagine. LOVE YOU

Auntie M said...

Selfishly: YAY!!!!
My favorite sentence from your post:
I don't care if you think I am censoring just to have butterflies and rainbows shot up my butt.

On a serious note, though, I think you are very brave to continue posting your life story here. Once thing that struck me was that you said that "...this blog is a constant reminder of my pain, sorrow, and struggles from the past 3 years..." I think you will feel a sense of accomplishment and pride and joy to be able to look at this blog when you've been able to share the ways that God is working in your family's lives and the upcoming blessings and joys that are coming your way. Rather a full circle sort of thing.
Perhaps then you will want to move on to a new sort of blog (a Rainbow blog???) but in the meantime, thank you for continuing to share your journey! xo~Mary

Ashley said...

It's Genital Integrity Awareness Week (wait, don't hit delete yet) and because of that I somehow wandered through the web to your blog. A friend of mine lost her baby to HLHS in November, and my experience mourning with her and debating her on circumcision (she's a pediatrician who supports parents' choice) means your blog strikes me more deeply than it might otherwise. That and the fact that I also have red hair. :) I don't have a point other than to say my heart hurts for you and your lost baby boy and I'm glad your healing continues and you've added another member to your family.

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

LOL! good thing you put not to delete yet!!! i almost did when I saw how you started off this post! Thank you for the kind comment! :o)

The McCammons said...

So happy for you and your family that God is blessing you in so many ways. Way to go for standing up for your self. Yes your blog is an open place but people really shouldn't be mean. I pray for all the best for all of you. I read your blog, don't always comment, but God Bless!

Ashley said...

I made the cut! :)

I just wanted to add that I think you might enjoy my friend's blog www.weheartthomas.blogspot.com. (She's another redhead!) I'm passing yours on to her as well.

Bumper said...

It's interesting you say that you don't want anyone defending you. I found your blog precisely because a single mother was defending you against all the hateful comments on her site. I decided to visit your blog to see what all the fuss was about and became a regular reader.

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

I know there were tons of people defending me. The unfortunate thing is that our story spread so far and so wide that I had no control over who said what. It was an extremely heated debate on both sides of the fence. I really don't want people responding to the nastiness. I just want it to go away and I think by ignoring it is the best way to do that!

Glad you found me and read regularly! :o)

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

Thanks Ashley!

I'll check it out in a few! :O)

 
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