Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I received a phone call this morning from my mom.
She was in tears with news about my dad.
We are now entering into the "Waiting with Expectation" phase of Dad's cancer.
What does that mean?
It means he is coming home today.
It means a hospital bed in the living room with oxygen to help him breathe and medication to keep him comfortable.
It means Hospice has been called.
It means that the time is coming nearer that I will have to say good bye to my Daddy.
It means that once again, I will watch someone I love die- my love, my mom's love, my children and husband's love...not enough to save him.
It means letting go when its time.
It means finding a new normal once again.
The mass in his lung has grown. It has cut off oxygen and has blocked a major artery.
He has weeks, possibly a month left.
He's not strong enough for chemo.
The cancer is progressing too quickly.
There is nothing left to do but love him and let go.
My heart is heavy.
First my son, now my dad. All in less than 2 years.
I've been trying to write a letter to him for the past 4 weeks.
The words won't come.
It's scary when the words simply aren't there.
Words have always been my way of coping.
There is nothing to do now but wait. Wait with expectation that God has my daddy in the palm of His hands. Wait with expectation that He will give us the strength to endure this. Wait with expectation that God will give my dad comfort and peace in his final days. Wait with expectation for the glorious day that my daddy will go Home and meet Jesus face to face- what a wonderful day that will be for him.