Monday, October 3, 2011
Joshua's first anniversary in Heaven marks our very last first.
Since Joshua died, we have experienced many milestones in our grief.
We have experienced the first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, and birthday without him.
We have watched other children experience their firsts as they have grown over the past year. Each time they reach a new milestone, we grieve what should have been. The reality that they will face many more firsts in their lifetime is like a slap in the face.
We have been walking this journey of grief for a year.
This is our last "First."
The first anniversary in Heaven is our last "milestone."
Soon we will be experiencing our 2nd Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter and birthday without him.
Reality has set in.
He is gone. He won't be back.
Our firsts are over.
There won't be any more. No first night in a big boy bed. No first days of school. No first overnights at a friends house. No first car, girlfriend, job, house, child.
Our. firsts. are. over.
October 6th marks our very last first.
I'm not sure if the pain will ever subside.