Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Feed The Cleave

There is no way to tiptoe around the title of this post.

Someone posted this on Facebook last week, and I just about died.

Being a " well endowed" woman, I found this to be a little too true.

Taken from Pinterest.

Seriously, I cannot eat without sharing my food with the over the shoulder boulders. (The worst offender is popcorn....)

And when I'm getting ready to head to bed, I always find leftovers just waiting for me.

Gross right?

Well, here's a funny little story for ya!

In an effort to control every aspect of my children's lives maintain some sort of innocence for Caleb since going to school, Shane and I have chosen to drop him off and pick him up from school, rather than let him take the bus! (Seriously, who wants to answer questions about where babies come from, what certain body parts are used for, and why adults have hair in places children do not! I'm not ready for that stuff yet!!!)

When I pick Caleb up from school, I have to go into the front lobby of the school to wait for him. Hannah and I usually get there a few minutes early in an effort to find a bench to wait on.

This past Friday, as we were waiting for Caleb, the lobby was full of waiting parents.

All of a sudden, I felt something crawling on my lower neck. I quickly swiped at it, thinking it was a loose hair or something, but when I looked down, I realized that it was a small spider.

Trying not to panic, I nonchalantly continued to wipe at my chest, trying to get the spider off of me without drawing too much attention to myself.

Next thing I know, the spider had crawled down the shirt into the endless pit of cleavage.

Now, what's a girl to do?!

The bell had just rung, I HAD TO wait there for Caleb. There was a lobby full of people, I couldn't possibly go digging to try and get it out!

So, I sat there, for what seemed like an eternity. With every passing second, I began sweating and almost twitching. The spider was in there and I could feel it moving around in there!


Have you ever had a spider in your shirt?! Every time it moved, it sent chills down my spine.

Finally, I found Caleb and could not get him out the door fast enough.

We literally ran across the parking lot, as I tried not to scream, and jumped into the van.

I'm praying no one saw me digging in my chest once I got into my car.

I would take leftover popcorn or rice falling out of there any day!



Kathie said...

LOL I totally get it! This year at the fair a Japanese Beetle went down my shirt into my bra. Those things bite, so I had to get it out right away walking down the middle of the street. Hopefully no one I know saw.

Carla Sue said...

I have experienced the random live bug, but the worst was when Jose was having a fly swatting event in our kitchen. Seriously, he was hitting these things midair like he was swinging for homeruns. Welp, I was doing dishes and finished up, turned around to face him, and he swatted a fly midair, which projected at me, hit my chest and YUP, fell into my cleavage. A nasty dead midair-murdered fly. I often jump around crazily in my kitchen, but this one was for the record books. I'm screaming about this nasty dead fly, grabbing at my boobs, shaking and wriggling, ripping my shirt off, trying to get the fly out. Jose is laughing and trying to use it as an excuse to grope me...I don't think he was sincerely trying to save me from the dead fly. Nevertheless, it was pretty anxious 3 minutes. ;)

Beth said...

As my dad used to say "there's gold in them there hills!!!" um.... not so much this time!! I feel your pain! (the spider, not the blessing of huge hooters.)I hate spiders!!!

The Real Life of a Red Head said...


Thanks for the laugh!

Lis said...

would not have contained myself as well as you did

Danielle said...

It's good to see you laughing. :)

Stephanie said...

The other night, When I went to shower, there were brownie crumbs in there.

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