Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Yesterday was relief.



Such a wide range of emotions continue to assult me.

It's completely and utterly exhausting.

So what am I angry about?

I don't write about this often.

I don't like this topic, nor do I want to relive it.

I also don't want to stir the pot, or cause our story to start circulating again.

Unfortunately though, the attacks are part of our story. A part I would rather forget. A part that I really want nothing to do with, but have had to continue to deal with even a year later. 

Today's anger is brought to you by the lovely people who decided to use our story over a year ago, to further their cause.

A cause that we wanted nothing to do with. A cause that I really, quite honestly, could care less about still to this day. A cause that has left a bad taste in my mouth with their continued accusations and hurtful words.

I'm bitter. I'm bitter at the bloggers who stole our pictures, made accusations, and verbally attacked our family through my blog, emails, and the internet in general. (because that's a completely effective method of spreading awareness and changing opinions right?! ha!)

I'm bitter at the women (and men) who, instead of coming along side us and supporting us within hours of Joshua's death, chose to accuse me of taking the life that I fought so hard to keep.

I'm not going there. I'm not rehashing it. In fact, I'm turning off comments because I don't feel like dealing with ignorance. But this is my reality. I was and still continue to be extremely hurt by the words that were said. Those words cut me to the core. Very few have apologized, there are still a few who express such hatred towards me. How am I supposed to deal with that?

I have to work through these feelings of bitterness and hurt. I have to accept the fact that these attacks are part of our story- even if I never wanted them to be.

So, today, I'm angry.

Yesterday, I was relieved.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Maybe forgiveness and peace? I hope. 

Your prayers are appreciated.

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