I've been running. (well, not literally running....i couldn't run to the end of the driveway if you offered me a million dollars!)
But I've been running. Trying to keep my mind occupied and my body busy. Eliminating any time that could allow me to think. Because thinking at this point brings tears. And quite honestly, I'm tired of those darn tears.
Tonight, I'm crashing. It's been a busy week. Spending time with friends and their kids. Shane working crazy hours. Brother in law visiting. Kindergarten orientation-ing. Zucchini bread baking. Toilet scrubbing. Laundry washing. Backyard Monstering. (don't judge me!)
Busy Busy Busy.
And now I have nothing left.
I'm spent. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. My feet are swollen and achy, my belly doesn't feel like it could possibly stretch out any further than it already has, my bladder and kidney are still burning from the awful infection that I have been fighting, and my pelvis feels like it's going to grind into a million pieces while simultaneously exploding.
I feel like I need to continue to surround myself with other people. It provides a good distraction for me. Yet, I also feel like I need to crawl into my bed and come out just in time to deliver a healthy and perfect Luke in November. I also feel the need to smother my children with my attention because my unlimited amount of time with them (especially Caleb) is coming to an end in 2 days.
I don't know where the strength to get through this week will come from. (well, I do know- I just feel overwhelmed at the thought of trusting that it will come....) Sometimes I just want to do it all on my own- but it's nights like tonight that reality slaps me in the face and reminds me that I simply can't. It's more than I can handle (you know...because GOD DOES GIVE US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE).
I guess tonight is just another lesson of learning to rest in Him. It's another lesson of letting His strength take over. It's another lesson that I am less and He is more and that He is enough.
Ugh. I'm tired.