Thursday, July 7, 2011

Remembering and Wondering

I'm typing this at the local public library in a town close to the campground that we are at.

This week has been a great week of relaxing and getting away from every day life, but it's also been a week for my brain to slow down and spend time thinking.

It seems that I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this wee little one.

I've been wondering what life would be like with him around.

Would he like the sand at the beach and splashing his long feet in the water?

Would he become enthralled with the campfire like his brother and sister?

Would we have had to spend the whole week in the air conditioned cabin to keep him cool?

What would his favorite food be? Would his grandparents feel comfortable caring for him for a few hours so Shane and I could go on a canoe ride around the lake?

This little man still has such a grip on my heart. Sometimes I can ask these questions with little sadness. Other times, I have to hold back the tears and try to hide my quivering chin from the others.

It all comes down to missing him. I miss him terribly. Some days my longing for him are just a dull ache. Other times, like this week, the pain is almost too much.

I miss him.


Joonluv630 said...

You are such a strong woman. The little one was so cute, and looked just like you! God bless you and your family :)

Beth said...

Remembering you and Joshua today (and yesterday). Rest up and heal. It's still okay to have those moments. Let them come, let them take you deeper down the path to healing. Love ya sis!

Bambi C said...

((Hugs)) I wish I could say it gets better, but I don't know if it does anymore!!

Lis said...


Krista Phillips said...

*hugs* Still praying for you Jill. I can't even imagine. Well, I can only imagine I guess, and there are still days I look at my Annabelle and hold my breathe for something else bad to happen, something that would take her away. *sigh* I just... yeah. Am praying for you!

Carla Sue said...

I didn't see this until today, but wanted to remind you that you can talk to me, call me whenever you need matter what. And, that I wish I were home because I would wisk you up and take you for coffee and let you talk and cry if you wish. And, I'd give you hugs.

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