Saturday, June 11, 2011

I'm not going to lie...

I'm stressing out about our ultrasound on Wednesday.

Late Wednesday morning, Shane and I will take a 2 hour trip down to Indianapolis to the Maternal Fetal Medicine office for a level 2 ultrasound. The same office that we heard those awful words, "I'm sorry, there is something wrong with your baby's heart."

I'm not going to lie. I'm stressed about it.

I'm not sure I can handle another devastating diagnosis.

I want to believe that this baby will be healthy. But I know better.

As a good friend of mine told me last week, "You have no reason to worry that something will be wrong." But we didn't have any reason to believe anything was wrong with Joshua either. So that isn't much of a comfort.

I know all too well the statistics- 1 in 100 babies are born with some sort of Congenital Heart Defect. And that is just for heart defects. I know all too well the many MANY things that can go wrong during pregnancy and fetal development. I've connected with many too many families who have experienced a devastating diagnosis' for their children.

HOWEVER, I can't let that fear control me. I cannot give that power to Satan. I am choosing to trust that whatever God allows in our lives, we will survive and that He will be with us every step of the way.

I don't want to say that I am trusting that our baby will be completely healthy. I want more than anything to hear those words- "Your baby is perfectly healthy!!"- but God doesn't promise that. God promises that He will always be with us and will NEVER forsake us. I'm clinging to that promise as we go into this week.


7 comments:

Beth said...

Many prayers going up for you here. He is in control. We love you. : )

Lauren said...

Surrounding you guys in prayer, and thinking of your sweet rainbow. I know it's hard...I was a wreck before this echo also...but Joshua is smiling down, and knows eveything about this baby to be. Lots of hugs!

Jill said...

you're right Jill...don't let the fear control you! hope for the best :) it's always easier said than done i kno. Same as Lauren, and lots of hugs! I wish the virtual world could transfer my love and support to you and that little bundle in a way better than black/white words.

McEngland like the McCountry said...

I'm praying. Our God is wonderful and He is faithful and loving. He's got this. Tell the Devil to scram.
A baby due on 11-11-11 is gonna be awesome regardless of what that US shows. Are you going to find out the sex of sweet baby Rainbow?

onesupergrover said...

While we know in our hearts that God's will is always perfect and we know that He is in control, I find it hard as well to get that into my head to erase all of my worrisome thoughts. I am a mother of two NICU babies and with #2 as I started to get the same milestones in my pregnancy, I found myself getting so worried. I know that God always see us through difficult times, but I think think that God understands our concerns and it would be silly for us not to get nervous... I think that is what draws us closer to God. During my pregnancy with #2, I always prayed Psalm 139.. and when he came early, I keep praying it and it gave me comfort. I will do the same for your little and perfect rainbow.

Psalm 139

13 For it was You who created my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I will praise You,
because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful,
and I know [this] very well.

15 My bones were not hidden from You
when I was made in secret,
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all [my] days were written in Your book
and planned before a single one of them
began.

Carolina Carters said...

Lots of prayers for you guys!

I was terrified of what they would see (or wouldn't see) at our ultrasound for Jenny Kate. The anticipation of getting that behind us made the first half of my pregnancy with her not nearly as much fun as the first half of my pregnancy with Derrick. Let me tell you, seeing those four little chambers on the screen was the most beautiful sight I think I've ever seen! I pray that everything is PERFECT with this little one and that God covers you with peace as you await your appointment. Can't wait to hear that everything looks great...because I just KNOW it will!!

Lots of prayers!

~shannon

Ella said...

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

 
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