3 months

3 months ago was the last time I held Joshua in my arms.

3 months ago was the last time I was able to look him in the eyes and tell him how much I love him.

3 months ago today our grief and pain began.

It's amazing that in just 3 short months my views about the world, about people, and about God have changed so completely.

It's amazing how much healing can take place- either through kind words, thoughtful gestures, or even through day to day activities.

It's also amazing how the wound of our loss can be ripped open and become just as painful as it was on this day 3 months ago.

It's amazing and horribly hurtful that there continues to be controversy, nasty words, lies/accusations, and suffocating pain related to Joshua's death.

It's amazing how some days all I can do is lay on the couch and let the tears come.

It's amazing how some days I am ok with looking at Joshua's pictures and don't feel suffocated with the pain, rather I am filled with joy from his life.

It's amazing that 3 months after I have been told some of the most horrible things a mother could ever hear, that the words still hurt immensly. (no matter who they are coming from or what their motivation is.)

It's amazing that through it all, God has blessed me over and over- an amazing husband, supportive and trusting friends, 3 beautiful children, financial stability (finally), and His promises.

He has reminded me time and time again that He is faithful, He keeps His promises, and above else He loves me.

In just 3 short months, my life has been turned upside down.

Sweet Joshua,

I love you and miss you so very much.

Happy 3 month anniversary in Heaven sweet boy.

Love you forever,

Mama