Thursday, January 6, 2011

3 months

3 months ago was the last time I held Joshua in my arms.

3 months ago was the last time I was able to look him in the eyes and tell him how much I love him.

3 months ago today our grief and pain began.

It's amazing that in just 3 short months my views about the world, about people, and about God have changed so completely.

It's amazing how much healing can take place- either through kind words, thoughtful gestures, or even through day to day activities.

It's also amazing how the wound of our loss can be ripped open and become just as painful as it was on this day 3 months ago.

It's amazing and horribly hurtful that there continues to be controversy, nasty words, lies/accusations, and suffocating pain related to Joshua's death.

It's amazing how some days all I can do is lay on the couch and let the tears come.

It's amazing how some days I am ok with looking at Joshua's pictures and don't feel suffocated with the pain, rather I am filled with joy from his life.

It's amazing that 3 months after I have been told some of the most horrible things a mother could ever hear, that the words still hurt immensly. (no matter who they are coming from or what their motivation is.)

It's amazing that through it all, God has blessed me over and over- an amazing husband, supportive and trusting friends, 3 beautiful children, financial stability (finally), and His promises.

He has reminded me time and time again that He is faithful, He keeps His promises, and above else He loves me.

In just 3 short months, my life has been turned upside down.

Sweet Joshua,

I love you and miss you so very much.

Happy 3 month anniversary in Heaven sweet boy.

Love you forever,



Mommafo said...

Hugs. I'm so glad I know you, even if it is just online. (For now)

Amy said...

Thinking of you and your sweet boy today....and everyday.

Elizabeth Shumaker Hensley said...


the blissful bridezilla said...

its amazing that you show such grace and strength through it all!

i keep my mouth shut to what i would really like to say to respect your wishes, but i'm sorry people are so ignorant to the pain they bring on you through their selfish words.

we (andy and i) love you and pray for you guys!

Anonymous said...

<3 Praying for you and yours today, Jill


Beth W. said...

You are not alone in your tears today.... all of us here are remembering and praying for you, Shane, and the kids.

Lauren said...

This road we are traveling is by far the most difficult. Lots of hugs.

Anonymous said...

I will also keep my mouth shut. Bless you, Jill

*Alice* said...

It is always amazing what and how much our Angels can teach and show us through their spirit and their memories alone. Floaty kisses to Joshua.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

*huge hugs*...a beautiful tribute...full of raw and true emotion.

Wayne and Sue Rasmussen said...

I agree with many of the others ... I am so glad to be able to get to know you as much as one can on the Internet. ((HUGS)) from Mississippi.

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