Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Stuff of Life

The kids are still back in Chicago with their Grandma and Grandpa, aunt, uncle, and cousins. They are there until tomorrow, then we will meet half way to pick them up. I miss them terribly, but I will admit it is nice to have some time to myself.

We had a good Christmas. Shane got everything he wanted except for a new drill. I gave him this handmade necklace. Rhonda at The Spirit Factory  did an amazing job of listening to exactly what I wanted and added her own ideas to the mix. She created a necklace that Shane loved. When he opened the package, he cried. We clung to each other for a while as we realized that our first Christmas without Joshua had officially begun, and our wounds are extremely fresh and sore.

Thanks to the generosity of a blog reader and now (in real life) friend (who also manages the store that she works at), our kids received some amazing gifts. They sponsored our children for Christmas which took a huge burden off our shoulders. It allowed us to focus our money on getting some of Joshua's items prepared to display, pictures printed, and other things that really allowed us to start the healing process. Thank you Jessica and Old Navy for all that you have done for our family- God has worked through you to help lift a burden, and we are thankful. We truly appreciate everything that you have done for us.

Since the kids are gone, and I happened to have some paint laying around the house, I decided to paint the toy room lime green. It was the only room in our entire house that we haven't done anything to since we moved into this house almost 6 years ago. I may or may not have been hoping that a fresh coat of paint would jinx us and that the house will sell, just because I have been putting off painting that room. Now that it's done- maybe it will sell! (you know, if I believed in that kind of stuff! haha!) The room is now freshly organized and looking cute! I think the kiddos will love it when they come back.

I've not had any PTSD flashbacks or severe anxiety for a few weeks. We have eliminated some things in our daily routine that were triggers for me, and I think it may possibly be under control (i have some techniques to stop the flashbacks when i feel one coming on- it seems to be working!). I am still a bit jumpy, and my mind automatically goes to the worst place possible whenever something happens, but I am able to tell myself that I am being ridiculous and my worries are just crazy! I go back to therapy in a few weeks after the hustle and bustle dies down. What's even more amazing is that I was actually able to look through Joshua's pictures a few days ago. I have not been able to do that since he died. I was able to look at a few at a time, but never just sit and look at them for a while. Gosh, he was such a beautiful little boy....I miss him so so SO  much....

We have a trip planned in the near future. Can't wait to share where we are going and what we are doing, but it probably won't be until after the fact. We'll see. Sometimes I change my mind! :o)

For now, that is just the stuff of my life. I've got some great posts with some adorable pictures coming up, I just need to find the time to get them written and organized. But for now, I must go shower and get the house in order. We have a showing this morning! (See how that works?! Put off painting and as soon as you do, bam! there's an offer....we'll not yet...but maybe!)

Have a great day everyone!


Carla Sue said...

Love Love LOVE this post. It's so much of the crazy rambunctious Jill that I know and love. I can see that you are managing a little better. :) I have your tin whenever you want it. Safe travels. Good luck on the showing. :) Does that cover it all?

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the showing! I hope the outcome is what you want!!!!

A trip sounds like a grand idea, and I hope it's wonderful. Safe travels, Jill.


Paula B said...

Enjoy your time of quiet. Can't wait to see the toy room.

Erin said...

I don't post often, but I am so happy to read this post today...and too see your smile in your Christmas post the other day.

Good luck on today's showing!!!

I wish you more healing and smiles in the new year!!!!

Peach said...

I am so glad that yo guys had an amazing Christmas, and I almost cried when I saw that necklace. It's beautiful. Truly.

Hugs and Prayers,
Peach and Drummer

Jill said...

beautiful with your words jill....and my ♥ is aching for you ....I'm glad you are starting to find some joy again.

Christine the ArizonaIntactivist said...

So happy to read this post, Jill, as you do seem more upbeat! Thank the Lord for His healing power!

p.s. Please tell me the package I sent arrived by Christmas! I paid the post office to have it delivered by the 23rd. Am a little worried that there was a problem as I haven't heard that you received it.

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

Christine- I was waiting for you to leave a comment! I lost your email address! :o)

Yes, we received it! Thank you so much. It is beautiful and perfect. I really appreciate it! (and the chocolates....mmmmmmmmmm) Thank you! :o)

Christine the ArizonaIntactivist said...

You are so welcome!

I know you posted recently about not wanting to represent to your children that angels have wings, so if you want to return it...please do! I got it at Kohl's and the scannable part of the tag is still on it.

I forgot to put the gift receipt in the package, but Kohl's has a very open and easy return policy.

Thanks for letting me know you got it! Ü

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

no, we have a couple of things that depict children as angels. we just tell the kids that that is our angel watching over us. they haven't even tried to relate joshua to them! :o)

thank you so much for being so thoughtful! <3

Jessica said...

I am so happy to hear that the kids enjoyed their gifts :) I know you told me that I am a blessing and have become part of your family's story, but in your very own way, your family has become a real blessing in my life. I am so glad I finally got to meet you guys...you are a beautiful family and deserve so much happiness going forward. The Haskins will always have a place in my heart, and I am glad to have made a new friend through all of this.

Happy holidays...I look forward to reading more great blogs from you, Jill!

Jessica and the Old Navy 6537 family<3

Erin said...

I come and check your blog every so often... I hate to say that I had gotten out of my regular blog reading a week or two prior to hearing about your blog, but it is definitely one that I check on from time to time.

I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry about your loss. I've gone through and read a few of your posts tonight and cried and cried... I cannot even fathom it. I'm so so so sorry.

I can't imagine saying anything you to that hasn't been said before, so I'll just leave it at that. I hope that each passing day comes to you a little easier than the one before. God bless.

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