Thursday, November 25, 2010


So many things swirling through my head. I've spent all morning cooking. Appetizers, turkey, potatoes, carrots, apple crisp. I've been busy.

Listening to music. Playing games, painting with the kids.

Grandma and Grandpa are here. Uncle Tom is here. Mommy, Daddy, Caleb, and Hannah. We are all together.

But someone is missing. The only thing that is physically here is a small pumpkin with his name written on it.

No diapers, no breastmilk or formula. No high chair. No small little cries, or sleepy little eyes looking around fighting sleep.

The house is full. Full of people. Full of love. Full of food. But there is an emptiness. There is loss. There is pain so deep and so full that it consumes the quiet moments.

Tears are allowed to flow. Tears may eventually flow. After the day is over they will probably come. But for now, the focus is being thankful. Thankful for his life. Thankful for our love. Thankful that even though he's not here, we have the Hope of seeing him again in a place so wonderful our pain won't matter any more.


Anonymous said...

Hi Jill. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. I wanted you to know that I discovered your story last night and blogged on it this morning...

I tooo endured cyber-bullying by "attachment" or "natural" parents or whatever you want to call them, when my daughter was born, but I did not have the tragedy to go with it. They gave me a lot of misinformation that caused me to make decisions I regretted. I can only imagine your pain, and I am here if you need anything. You are in my P&PT. Love, Danielle

Heather and Adam said...

Jill I thought of you often today. I hope you were able to enjoy your day with your beautiful family. I know Joshua was there with you <3 Happy Thanksgiving

Christine the ArizonaIntactivist said...

So beautiful...thank you for sharing...

Designs by Dana
© 2011 Designs by Dana
© No content of this blog may be used or re-printed without written permission