You would have been 3 months old today.
I don't know what to say other than I miss you.
I wonder what life would have been like. Would we still be in the hospital? Would we be looking at your second surgery in the upcoming weeks? How would we be surviving?
Sweet boy, none of that really mattered to me, as long as you were here. But you aren't. And I'm still trying to figure out how to live without you.
Your brother and sister keep me busy most days. They make me laugh, cry, and pull my hair out. I'm sure you would have added some crazy stress to that mix, but I would have loved it just the same.
Sweet Joshua, I feel so lost without you. Like part of my heart is missing from my body. I struggle to find who I am, what my role is, and what my future will look like.
So many questions rattle around in my brain. Are we going to have another baby? We could never NEVER replace you. Am I going to look for work? I don't want to go back to work, but your daddy wants to go back to school. What do we do with your things? How do I keep the smell of you on your clothes and blankets? How do I not forget every detail of your face, your sounds, and your life?
Life is calming down, Joshua. We are finding a new normal, but I always feel like part of me is missing. I'm torn between this life, and wanting so badly to be where you are- in Heaven.
Joshua, I want you to know how much I love you. How much your daddy, brother and sister LOVE you. We miss you more than anything.
Happy Birthday sweet boy.