Sunday, August 8, 2010

38 weeks!!!!!!

Here we are. One week from today, Shane and I will be heading down to Indianpolis to prepare for the birth of our 3rd (and probably final) baby!

A friend of mine wrote a message to me yesterday, to make sure that through all of this that we remain excited that Joshua is arriving and to not forget that we are still having A BABY!!!!!

My response to her was that I honestly have been so consumed with the HLHS diagnosis, that it has taken the excitement out of having A BABY! BUT.......As I've been going through all of the precious little baby clothes, packing the diaper bag, boppy, and blankets and getting all of my nursing supplies together, I have become more and more excited that we are having a baby!

When I was diagnosed with the hemorrhage that threatened to take Joshua's life at 11 weeks, I imagined the day that he would be born. That scene played over and over in my head. Never wanting to let him go, loving him, cherishing him, and adoring him. Just the thought of holding him, after being told we would never be able to do so on this side of heaven, brought me to tears. I pictured bringing him home from the hospital, taking him to church and celebrating the miracle that is his life. Celebrating the fact that God spared him from the effects of the hemorrhage.

But that was all taken from me with the heart diagnosis. My thoughts became consumed with the fear of the unknown, the surgeries, the pain, the long hospital stays. I lost sight of those first few moments with my son. I no longer envisioned myself holding him, praising God for his life- rather i envisioned myself holding him, begging God once again to have mercy on his little life. My celebrating turned into mourning and fear.

But as it's getting closer, Shane and I are celebrating. I may not be able to hold Joshua for as long as I dreamed I would. I may not get to see him for the first few hours of his life, but I will thank God for the miracle. I will celebrate with my family and friends the arrival of our 3rd child. We will praise God and celebrate his little life all the while trusting that God is in control.

Just one week from now, Mr. Joshua will be here! It's time to celebrate God's goodness!

11 comments:

Stefenie said...

Beautifully said! It is hard getting to enjoy them just being a baby when you have so much trying to get in the way of that....like medical issues. However you WILL get those times when you are holding them, looking into their eyes to see past all of the tubes, wires and other accessories these precious miracles come with to see how wonderful they really are.

Molly Alisa Photography said...

I am so excited for your family, Jill. Really, truly excited.

There were so many fears through this pregnancy--so many different ones. But you made it, he made it. I remember the post you made awhile ago about how much you longed to hold him...

You are almost there.

Keep me updated once you know more on when would be a good time for my visit(s). I am really looking forward to coming down there, spending some time with you and your sweet boy.

Jen said...

So true, Jill. When you find out during pregnancy that there is something wrong with your baby, it is so hard to not focus on that. The first moments are also difficult because you can't hold them and keep them in your room- YOU have to go visit THEM. And when you do hold them, it is such a process (with the tubes and wires) but SO worth it.

I'll never forget the morning of Andrew's surgery I woke up early (and I am NOT a morning person!) around 4:00am, when I knew he'd be awake for his feeding in the NICU. I showered and got ready for the day and went to the NICU and just held him until they came and got him for surgery. It was probably 2 full hours of pure joy. I laid him up on my chest and we both slept, I cried, prayed, talked and sang to him. It was such a special time just for us that I will never forget.

We'll be praying for you in the coming days, and I'll be sure to share your link on my blog when the time gets closer.

Prayers!
Jen, Craig & Andrew

Ninnah said...

You are constantly in my prayers...I know you don't know me but the Lord put your burden in my heart. Its my prayer that just as Joshua lead the conquest of Canaan that your little Joshua will bring springs of life and hope for you and your family just as promised to Joshua in the bible.
(Joshua 1:1-9)

Prayers and blessings.
Ninnah

Anonymous said...

Sending prayers that all will go well and know you have doctors on your side to do everything they can. We are all praying for a miracle!

Anonymous said...

Jill,
y name is Gale Bagwell and I have a grandson who was born on Oct. 2, 2008 with HLHS. I came across your blog through The Funky Heart. It caught my eye because my daughter also had a hemorage about 11 weeks into pregnancy. I haven't looked into your blog to see if it was similar. Ivan was diagnosed about 20 weeks in-utero. He is now 20 months old and has done very well. He had the hybrid done at 4 days and the norwood/glenn done at 4 months. He is scheduled for the Fontan in late spring or early summer of 2011. I will be praying for Joshua and that God will give you and your husband peace. You will not be able to get through this without the Lord walking by your side. What a comfort. By the way my birthday is August 16. Praying hard for Joshua and your family. Gale Bagwell ggbagwell@charter.net

Anonymous said...

Jill,
I just found the link to your blog from the Funky Heart blog. Congratulations on your newest little one. The days and weeks ahead will be scary and exciting and so many people you know and those who are internet strangers will be along with your family for the ups and downs. You and your family are in the thoughts and prayers of so many including myself. I will lift up your family to my church this week. Heart kids are tough, we approach life in the same way our families do. Have confidence in your child's ability to lead a fairly normal life and your child will grab life by the horns. I have HRHS and it wasn't until I was a teenager that I even considered that my life wouldn't be just like everyone else's. My family instilled in me to do what I could at to give everything my best effort.
I wish you a happy and safe devliery
Renee

Katie said...

Also found your blog through the Funky Heart. Just wanted to let you know we'll be praying for Joshua and your entire family. Hang in there and try to just take it a minute at a time...

Our third was also our heart baby, and knowing the joy that you do miss out on at first was hard to swallow BUT you will find new joys in this experience. Try to always focus on the positives, hand it all over to God and be easy on yourself and those around you. Thinking and praying for you. Welcome to being a heart mom.

Heart hugs,
Katie (Maddie's mom, HRHS)

Anonymous said...

I am also a heart mom-my little man, Jamie, is 17 months old with PA/IVS. I will be praying for you little one-the road you are headed down is a tough one, but it will make you stronger. God will give you what you need to get through it. May God bless your delivery and the upcoming surgery. I pray that God will guide the surgeon's hands.
Shannan from RI

Anonymous said...

I'm a heart mom who found out about Joshua through the Funky Heart. I still remember the fear I felt delivering Ava who has Hypoplastic Right Heart plus a few other anomalies. She is now 9 and thriving! With faith, hope and the prayers around you, our God will provide and take care of your family and little Joshua. May you find peace, joy and encouragement as you prepare for the birth.

melissa
www.caringbridge.org/visit/avab

Jake & Stephanie Ellinger said...

I'm a heart mom who found your blog through the Funky Heart. My little boy, Nathan, was born with Tetralogy of Fallot, Pierre Robin, and a whole gammett of other birth defects. The hospital stays and surgeries have been difficult, but aside from the scars and that Nathan refuses to eat orally, you would never know what he has been through. He is 30 months old and a little bundle of joy!

We will be praying for your family as you prepare to take on this journey. We have several friends that have HLHS that are doing wonderfully. I would never wish a heart defect on anyone, but I wouldn't change the course that we were put on. It has made our family much stronger and closer.

You are welcome to look at our blog - there are also links to many other HLHS kids.

www.jakestephanieellinger.blogspot.com

We wish you the best!

-Stephanie

 
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