After a long night of gut wrenching sobs.
But today is a new day.
As a friend of mine reminded me this morning,
all I can do is love my baby,
God will take care of the rest.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
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My Love
Goofy Caleb
Spunky Hannah
Baby Joshua
Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Aug. 16, 2010 to Oct. 6, 2010
Our Rainbow Baby, Luke
Luke
Grab One
3 comments:
There is a book called "Waiting With Gabriel A Story of Cherishing a Baby's Brief Life" that is a must read for any heart mom. When I first read it I reasoned with myself that they didn't choose surgery because it was back in the early 1990's and the surgery was just getting good with higher survival rates. Now I've come to realize that many parents have choosen to take their baby home and love them for many different reasons. There is no right or wrong answer here. When I first got the diagnosis everything inside of me screamed to save my baby. Now going through what we have I can see the other side. None of this is to be mean or target you so please don't think I'm judging you at all. But here I am on the other side and I wish I had someone back then to talk to. I used to cry out for God to just take the decisions out of my hands. Let her die inside of me knowing nothing of pain and only love. To make all of this out of my control...but He never did. We made decisions that no parent should ever make and it's not over. I love my daughter more than I ever thought I was capable of. I love so much that when the time comes I will let her go.
Jill, while I haven't dealt with the harsh reality of being the Mommy to a heart baby, I have dealt with the loss of a child and then 2 very stressful pregnancies of waiting and wondering what will happen. I know that fear can be crushing, but I also know that His peace is amazing. I will be the first to admit that I have to CONSTANTLY ask for His peace because I don't trust Him as I should to take care of me and my babies, and that's okay. It's okay to ask over and over and over again for peace and healing. Just lean on Him and I promise He will see you through, no matter how long this journey may be.
Also, as strange as it sounds I believe that baby Joshua's diagnosis is a blessing. Think of how much your faith has been strengthened during these past few weeks. You look at Hannah & Caleb in a whole new light, not that you didn't love them before, but I'm sure your love for them has been restored to a new level. Look at your marriage to your amazing husband. You are clinging to each other unlike ever before. There are so many blessings to gain from what seems to us as a horrible nightmare.
Keep HOPE in your heart. Stay positive. Take deep breaths. Sob when you need to. Smile & laugh and don't fell guilty for feeling happy. Joshua is alive and he will have wonderful doctors who will give him top-notch care. Take it one day, one hour or one minute at a time.
You are all in my prayers, always!
Avery Tales - you have a way with words. Ditto to her comment
stay strong Jill. Every when you need to vent, cry, scream. Do it with gusto! And for the glory of the Lord. Love you all and praying constantly for god to walk before Joshua to place the right staff, doctors, hospitals, etc. But also praying for a full blown miracle to happen. Hey, it could happen :)
keep the faith of a mustard seed, great things can and will happen, we just don't know what all these things are yet and the waiting is tough. Because we all are so patient haha!
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