Monday, May 10, 2010

Do you ever feel inadequate?

I do.

Maybe it's insecurity. Maybe it's because it's the truth. Maybe it's just differences in people and how they live their lives.

My feelings of inadeqacy come from my abilities (or lack of) as a house keeper. Any of you who know me, know that my house is ALWAYS a mess. Dishes are never done, stuff is always all over the living room floor, the dining room table doesn't get wiped down until we are ready to eat on it again. The floors always need to be swept and mopped and vaccuumed. The laundry is always piled high.

I look at other mothers who have children the same age. I look at other mothers who have older children and younger children. Their houses are always clean. Laundry is always done, and their kids are always clean and tidy. My kids run around looking like ragamuffins.

People always say that it's just because my kids are young. I'm not sure. Shane and I only lived without kids for 18 months, and I don't honestly remember if my house was clean then or not. We only lived in a house that didn't require any big remodeling projects for 9 months. I don't remember if my house was clean back then or not.

Shane was off this weekend, and I feel like all I did all weekend long was dishes, laundry, and more dishes. Yet this morning, I have a sink full of dishes. How do people do it?

Why do we, as women, compare ourselves to others? Why do we let other peoples lives create insecurities in our own lives?

Biggest yet, how am I going to keep this house clean and sanitary for Joshua when he comes home from his first surgery. I will be a stay at home mom of 3 young children under the age of 5. One of which will have a special heart and need special care. I will have just gone through 4-6 weeks of NICU living, breastpumping, and adjusting to a new baby. How in the world am I going to keep this house clean when I can't even do it now?


Tiffany said...

All I have to say is huge hugs and I am right there with you!! I only have two kids, but one of my kids has autism (Emilee, in case you didn't know), and it makes it so much more difficult to keep things clean. It's not that she is clueless and can't do things for herself, but it takes a ridiculous amount of repetition to get her to do anything like put away toys. I do rely on Christian for that a LOT.

And you can do it - I know it seems impossible. And I did have days while Matt was deployed that I didn't clean at all... not even the kitchen. My kids and I sat around the house and I had pizza delivered. I think it's ok to have days like that, too, at least every once in awhile.

My sister sent me a chart of what she does during the week (she only has one child, but he's 9 months old now). It's really helped with keeping me organized. If you want, you can email me ( and I'll forward it to you? I don't know if it would be totally helpful, but it might help a little bit.

Big hugs, sweetie, and I know you can do it. I'm thinking of you and praying for you!!

Monica Rafie said...

Well, I think all of us moms struggle with this, don't we? I hope one of your friends or family members will call this group for you when Joshua comes home:

Molly Alisa Photography said...

It is SO hard to not compare. Just as a human being, there will always be someone doing whatever better. And it's hard.

Let me know if you ever need help keeping up when you come home. I will be over in a flash to help. I promise. I do not mind cleaning, especially when it's not my own house!!! hahahaha So I would be more than happy to help out. And my kids could entertain your bigger kiddos. :D

Heather said...

You WILL get to a point where you feel more in control... of your house, emotions, finances, and more. But it takes many many many babysteps to get there. is an excellent faith-based program that is great at helping people get out of their rut & regain control of their homes.
In some ways, prepping your home now is the one thing you DO have control over right now, that you CAN get in order to make things smoother when the baby comes. Maybe you can put together a FlyLady control journal for you that Shane can understand, so when the baby comes, he can step right in and know what you have planned for meals, what to do when, etc. Think of it like a written plan for a substitute teacher.

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