So Close Yet So Far Away

This Sunday I will be 18 weeks. For some reason, when I was first diagnosed (at 11 weeks), 18 weeks seemed like an impossible goal to reach.

Here I am, 2 days before reaching 18 weeks, feeling the baby move, my belly growing daily, and I can't even express how thankful I am. Every day I've had with this baby has been a blessing.

I've had some really dark days, but I've also had some really good days. I've taken 1 day at a time, and God has worked on my heart and my faith each and every day.

Don't get me wrong, some days, I did nothing but beg God to spare my baby's life. Some days, I wallowed in self pity. Some days, I asked God why and begged him to take the baby sooner than later if that was His will.

But day after day, God has taught me one lesson after another. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self control, trust, and faithfulness.

I'm so close to viability yet still so far away. I go for another ultra sound on the 24th. There are still so many fears, so many unknowns, so much waiting, and still so much danger. But my God is a faithful God. He has it all in his control. He knows and loves my baby even more than I do.

Everyday is precious. Everyday helps me to learn more about who God is. I would not trade anything in the world for each day that I am given with this precious little life.