Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Ok....here it goes...

Good news and bad news.....well, who knows, really, what kind of news....

I had my ultrasound this morning. It was scheduled at 8:15 and then my OB appt was scheduled at 9:15. I didn't get out of ultrasound until 9:15, so by the time I got to the doctor, he had not gotten the results. What information I do have, is from the U/S tech. I'm still waiting to hear from the doctor. Hopefully it will be soon.

GOOD NEWS: She (the ultrasound tech) didn't see much of the hemorrhage. She didn't say much about it, but she didn't see very much of it....which to me, compared to my previous ultrasounds, is FABULOUS news.....exactly what I/we/everyone was praying for. Like I said though, I'm still waiting for the doctor to call. BUT.....He didn't want to see me back for another 4 weeks, which is fine with me! :o)

BAD NEWS: The spot on the baby's heart is still there. It is more like a section of the heart that glows on the ultrasound. When something glows like that it is usually bone. (There is no bone in a regular heart last time I checked.) The ultrasound tech had never seen anything like it before, but didn't say anything about it until I said "Oh look, that bright spot is still on it's heart." She took tons of pictures of it, and actually had another tech come in who is a bit more "specialized" to take a peak. I asked if everything looked like it was functioning fine within the heart, and I didn't feel like I got a good answer. (Although I know that tech's aren't supposed to say much, they aren't the doctor.) That left a tiny sliver of fear on my heart.

When I met with the doctor, I told him that the heart still had the spot on it and he said that he will look it over, but chances are that he will send me to Indianapolis for an echo cardiogram within the next few weeks. He said he would rather be safe than sorry. I would too. He didn't seem to concerned, HOWEVER, when I hear the words heart failure, calcification, and specialist- my mind goes to the worst place possible. Shane keeps telling me to not worry about it, and I'm trying.

I'm really struggling. I feel like I wanted today to be a day of celebration. A time to celebrate a miracle. A time to continue to rejoice that I have a strong, healthy baby growing inside of me. But I feel like, while I'm so excited that this stupid hemorrhage may be gone, that now I have something new to be worried about. (not that worry will do anything.) (This whole paragraph is sooooo selfish...I need to just be so thankful that the baby is doing so well and that God has given us this long with our little one.)

So....one hurdle is hopefully behind us. However high the next hurdle is, we will get past it as well. I guess I just need time to process, and I need some concrete answers. And I need to continue to seek after God. He is the only one that will carry me through any and all of this.

Finally....the last piece of GOOD NEWS: Squirmy is indeed a Joshua and NOT  a "Karen"!!!! :o) I don't care either way what we have, as long as he is healthy, but Shane and I are SO SO SO excited to have another boy joining us!

We love you so much Joshua. Just keep fighting for us. We will keep fighting for you! Love you baby boy!!!

8 comments:

Tiffany said...

I'm so sorry that you weren't able to get 100% good news. I will keep praying. I hope the echo cardiogram goes a lot better than you hope and it turns out to be something minor that can be fixed, you know? Big hugs!

Carla Sue said...

I know it's different, but when I was pregnant with Teo, the ob/gyn had me so fearful about this problem and that problem that I was a nervous wreck. His kidneys were dialated. I was diabetic. He was measuring too big. When he was born, he was perfectly healthy. It's hard to know what they are dealing with when the baby that they're looking at is through an ultrasound and is the size of a baby doll. Teo was perfect when he made his grand entrance to the world. He was chubby, he didn't get lodged (too much) on my pelvic bone, and his ped doc didn't give two lumps about the kidney stuff on the ultrasound. What the ob saw as a huge deal (a dialation of the kidney by so many points of a millimeter) was insignificant in the same amount to the ped. Just don't fret and continue doing what you're doing to let baby Joshua enjoy that new little nest of his in your uterus until he is ready to come out. :) Deep breaths sweetie. We are all praying.

Amy said...

Reading this, I found myself breathing a sigh of relief. Mostly because I think I was so focused on "Hermie" and the fact that it was hardly visible...I just thought, "Wow! What a tremendous miracle!" I believe in God's ability to do great things, including heal Joshua's heart (if healing is actually needed...like Carla Sue said, I've also known people who saw questionable things on ultrasounds only to find that everything was perfectly healthy). My prayers are still with you!!

Amanda said...

I can't remember if I told you or not, but Camden had a spot on his heart during his 18 week ultrasound. The doctor said that it is 99% of the time NOTHING to be concerned about. I don't know if it's the same thing, but if your doc isn't more concerned, then I wouldn't be either. But, as a mother, saying that and actually DOING it are two different things. That said, you've already given this baby and pregnancy over to God's will. You have to keep trusting that He knows what he's doing. :) Still praying!!!

Leah said...

Joshua is destined for greatness look at how many lives he has touched already. I know you are worried about the glow on his heart. And you are mom, that gives you the right. For now, since you are playing the waiting game think of it as God's glow - filling Joshua's heart with His love and all the love Joshua will need to share for a lifetime!!

As for concrete...God has already counted the hair on Joshua's head. He knows what is in store for all of you, hang in there. And know you all are wrapped in love and prayer.

Avery Tales said...

I'm sorry it wasn't 100% good news, but I think it's reassuring that your doctor didn't seem overly concerned. While I don't have experience with calcification on the heart I do have a friend who went through this and everything turned out to be perfectly fine. She now has a healthy 1 year old little boy. I will continue to pray for peace and healing.

I just posted an update about my visit. Those dang bleeds are still there. They're like 4 cm & 6 cm, but the baby looks great so I refuse to stress. He is going to get us all through these roller coaster pregnancies!

The Cox Family said...

Well, I wish I had more info to give you, but I don't. You will just have to wait and see what the OB says and what the Echo says. Stinks. Frustrating. BUT, at least it looks as though some of the other issues are resolving, which we all know is not "by chance," but by GOD! Anyway - I know it's hard, but don't fret yet. God is doing a miracle and He is so faithful! Love Ya!

Jayne Heinrich said...

Jill,
First of all I am glad you are doing this because I feel like we haven't talked in forever and a day and you have opened the world up to how amazing of a person you are, conscious and strong. Speaking of strong, try to remember the fact that the little boy inside of you has been fighting so hard to stay with you just as you've been fighting for him to stay as well. That is one strong little babe, in my opinion! And if he can take on a hemorrhage and and not bat an eyelash, I'm sure he can take on a little calcium ;) I'm thinking of you!
Jayne

 
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