Thursday, March 4, 2010

Humbleness and Humility....the true kind

 verb-to lower in condition, importance, or dignity
(according to

noun-the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

(once again, according to

Those are 2 words that I feel, we, as followers of Christ like to toss around. We drop those two words like they're hot. We all like to think of ourselves as humble. We like to think we live in true humility. Obeying God's word, loving others, and living a lifestyle that we can only hope and pray is pleasing to God.

But how many times in our lives have we truly been humbled? How many times have we faced true humility?

To admit that we have been humbled or living a life of humility, are we being the exact opposite of what we claim? Are we being pompous or prideful when we say that we are broken and humbled? Are we putting on a front when we ask God for true humility? Do we really desire to be truly humbled? I'm not so sure that's what I want!

What are the characteristics of being humbled or living a life of humilty?

These past 4 weeks, I would like to say that I have been humbled. Having to depend on others to help us survive. Asking for help with our dirty laundry, the dirty toilets, or gross carpets. Not being self sufficient. Exposing any and all body parts to any complete stranger that walks through the door dressed in those awful hospital blue scrubs. Humility? hmmmm.....

What about complete strangers coming to your house to help clean or pray? Looking at our finances wondering how we will survive without my already minimal income? Thinking about making a 2nd trip to the food pantry for food once ours runs out? Humbled? I'm not sure.

I want to say that everything that has happened in the past few weeks (heck over the past few months) has brought about true humility to myself and Shane. I want to say that we have been truly humbled by the support and love that we have recieved from our friends, family, and complete strangers. But I don't want those words to be empty words- the words that all good Christians are supposed to use in situations like ours. I want those words to mean more than that. I want those words to help articulate how truly grateful we are for all of the help that we have recieved thus far.

There are no words for my feelings on this subject. A simple thank you is not enough. A written thank you doesn't say it all. A hug? Insufficient. Those words and actions don't have enough meaning.

What is in my heart, I can not express. I can't express my gratefulness. I can't express how hard it has been to just sit back and let everyone else take control. I can't express how my ego has been lowered in condition. My feeling of importance minimized. My dignity stripped from me by God himself. But do I REALLY feel truly humbled even admitting or saying those things? I don't feel like I deserve to say those words. To feel that way. I've done nothing, yet have been given so much.

I want to say that I have been broken through all of this. That my pride has been lowered and I think less of myself, but I don't want that to sound empty. I don't want it to sound prideful. I just won't say it. Is humbleness and humility just a matter of what is in your heart? I'm not sure. I just pray that God knows my heart, and that it comes through in my actions- whatever that may look like. That others see me the way that I want God to see me.

What is your definition of humbleness and humility?

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