Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I am (trying) to choose to love instead....

I know you have all heard the saying "You hurt the ones you love the most." This is the most true statement in my life, and it's mostly directed towards Shane. I love that man with all of my heart, but sometimes I can just be flat out mean to him. (And shame on me, he never returns the harsh tongue. EVER.)

This morning I am working on taming my tongue. Hannah woke up at 1am coughing and coughing. I was awake in bed listening to her, hoping it would end. Finally at 2:30 she was fully awake and didn't want to be in her crib. I brought her into bed with us for a little bit and she tossed and turned and rolled around. The entire time, Shane kept saying "Hannah lay still," or "Hannah stop!" I finally got so irritated that I grabbed her out of bed and took her down stairs.

I've been up since 1:00am and am now getting both the kids ready to go to daycare so I can go to work. I'm frustrated.

BUT, I shouldn't be. It's not his fault. It's not my fault. It's a situation that sucks. Being sleep deprived is awful. Neither of us can function. While I was up watching some crazy cartoons at 3am on Disney Channel, and trying to figure out how I was going to make Shane "pay" for making me be up with Hannah, the Holy Spirit spoke. And He spoke loud and clear. "Do not be angry at Shane. Use this time as an act of honoring him. Be selfless and allow him to sleep so he can go to work and provide for your family in the way he needs to. By honoring him, you honor The Father."

Nothing like a slap in the face at 3am from the Holy Spirit.

I'm still grumpy about it. I'm still irritated about it. But I have to choose to love instead. No harsh words, no fights, no tallying up my times awake against his. My life is not more important than his. It is equally important.

I want to challenge each of you to love today. It comes easier to some of you, but if you are anything like me, you know how hard it is.

I choose to love you Shane. Forgive me for my harsh feeilngs toward you. Forgive me for being quick to anger and slow to forgive. You don't deserve that. You deserve to be loved the way God loves you. I'm trying.

1 comment:

Carla Sue said...

I have found that it is harder to love than to be angry, but being angry takes much more energy...

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