It's been just about 8 months since I have blogged. Seems crazy that for such a long time, I was blogging daily, sharing so much of my life with my readers and now I, often times, forget that I even have a blog!
This has been a good place for me to write out my thoughts on life, my struggle with grief, and my search for healing.
I've been missing writing. I've been missing the vulnerability that my writing brings. I've been missing writing out my thoughts and processing through things.
Life has been good. I've been a stay at home mom for 5 years now.
Can you believe that?
Caleb is celebrating his 10th birthday in a few short months. Hannah just turned 7 and Lukey has made the jump from the terrible 3's to the rotten 4's. ;) My babies are growing up and I am so proud of who they are becoming.
This also leads me to the fact that Joshua would have been 5 this past August. Another birthday and anniversary have come and gone. We survived the season, but it wasn't without many tears. I don't think August through October will ever be a happy time in my life- thats just the way of grief and loss. I'm content to grieve when I need to. I'm slowly coming to realize that there is healing in the continued tears and God draws close to me through them, sustaining me and reminding me of the eternal hope I have in Him.
God has been so very faithful to me. He has been healing me in ways that are truly nothing less than miraculous. He has been working on my heart, drawing me closer to him, and binding up my wounds one by one.
He has been teaching me what it means when he says, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in weakness." There have been so many times over the past 5 years that I just did not have the strength to go on. There have been so many tears, so much sorrow, and incredible heartbreak. But He has been sovereign over it all. I am finally at peace in knowing that I don't have to understand the "why's" of everything, I just need to place my faith in him and he will be faithful to complete the work in me.
As I continue to journey through the ups and downs of parenting, being a wife, and the hard work of grief, God continuously reminds me to look to him for my strength every single day. He has been a constant companion who patiently listens to my complaints, comforts me when I struggle with anxiety and grief, and rejoices with me in my triumphs. He has given me hope for my future.
There were so many days that I felt like all hope was lost. It feels good to finally be able to say that I have hope.
All that to say, God is working on me. He is revealing some places of sin in my life and he continues to break me in an effort to make me more like Jesus. I can't say I particularly enjoy some of the things he is teaching me, but I know in the end, it's for His Glory.
I might be back to blogging again. I might be back to sharing some of my struggles as a wife and mother. I might be back to writing out my daily thoughts, struggles, and triumphs. Will you join me?