I've been in a general fog lately.
I don't know why. I keep wondering if it's the change in the season. Or maybe PMS. Or maybe it's just the general fog of anxiety combined with the holidays. I'm not sure what it is, where it came from, or when it will go away.
I'm having a hard time focusing on things. I have been waking up every night at 1:30am and haven't been able to fall back asleep. My days seem long and exhausting (even more than they usually do.)
I'm not sure what is going on.
As I muddle my way through the fog, I'm continue to seek God's comfort. He knows what is going on, and surely he will sustain me through it. He has before, and he will continue. Psalm 34:17 says "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from their troubles."
I continue to struggle with the blah-ness that I'm feeling, I continue to try and focus on Philippians 4:8 that says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."
I have so much good in my life. I have a God who has been my strength and my healer. I have a husband who adores me and has stuck with me through the best and the worst of times. I have 3 beautiful, breathing children. I have a home that keeps me warm, has been my sanctuary, and is an undeserved gift from God. I have a church and a pastor who faithfully preach the gospel week after week. I have friends who encourage me. I have hope of eternity not only with Joshua, but worshiping Jesus. I have so many good, right, and lovely things in my life.
I continue to cling to the truth that God will use this for his glory. Struggles are never fun. They are never an enjoyable experience. But the growing happens rapidly when we endure struggles. I don't like being in the fog. It's not something I enjoy for myself or for my family. But God promises there is a purpose in all of it. I just pray that I will be willing to be used according to his will.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5