This week has been a particularly draining week for me.
The kids have been out of control.
Shane and I are exhausted and in desperate need of some time alone.
Our finances have been tight this week due to some unexpected expenses.
And I've had to face some giants that have held me back from moving forward with my life.
I've found myself yelling a lot, as well as nagging. I've been angry with my children as I feel like everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. It's not been one of my finer weeks.
However, this afternoon, I'm watching my family.
Sitting on the back patio overlooking the pond and the corn field behind our house. Remembering the message from Hosea 6:1 "Come, let us return to THE LORD. He has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us. He has injured us, but he will bind up our wounds."
I am so very thankful for where we are right now. A diapered baby running around the back yard. A 5 year old daughter, digging in the dirt. A 7 year old boy playing fetch with his dog. A husband who gently holds my hand and with just a gentle squeeze, tells me that he's at peace and that we WILL survive these exhausting years of parenting. All the while, a 3 year old boy who is running around in Heaven looking down at us and loving us from afar.
I cannot believe where we are today. I cannot believe the amount of healing that has taken place. I cannot begin to imagine what life would have been like if Joshua never came to be. God broke us. He tore us down. But he brought us to him and provided in ways that I never imagined. He has healed our broken hearts and continues to offer grace when we let the pain swallow us up. He has bound up the wounds of my broken heart and has loved me gently through the pain. He never let me go.
I don't want to forget these days. I don't want to forget the peace and reassurance he has give me. I don't want to forget, that even though I'm exhausted, how blessed I am. That diapered redheaded baby, the baby with the broken heart that now lives in our hearts, that blue eyed little girl, that freckle nosed little boy, and that man that loves me despite my craziness, and most of all the God who has carried me, even when I was kicking and screaming and throwing punches at him. I don't want to forget.