Friday, April 20, 2012

2 Years Ago

April 20. 

It's been two years. 

Two long, fricking years.

Two years ago, we sat in a waiting room in Indianapolis, feeling him dance around in my belly.

Two years ago, our world came at a halt. 

Two years ago, our lives were turned upside down.

"I'm sorry. Your baby has a severe heart defect."

"Your baby has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome."

"Your baby will not live without surgery immediately after birth."

"Your baby will not live......"

Do you know what it's like to hear those words?!

I couldn't stop the wailing. 
I couldn't do anything but breathe. 
The next morning, I could hardly see from the film over my eyes as a result of crying.
Crying like I had never cried before.

Two long and awful years ago.

A lifetime ago.

I wish I could go back to April 19th, 2010. 
I wish I could see what was ahead for our family. 
I wish I could see how far we have come, yet how much further we have to go.

I wish I could have seen this love grow.

I wish I could have seen the heart ache that we would have to endure. 
I wish I could see the healing that would take place.

I wish I could've been warned about the storm that was waiting for us. 

But what good would that have done? 

It's been two years since we received the diagnosis. 



Mommy K said...

It's definitely been a looong two years. But we are different people because of it. And I'm waiting for the day I feel like it was all worth it ,for eternal purposes of course. Our roads are different, but we both still have forever heartache for our babies. I think of you so very often. Joshua's adorable face is forever written in my heart. :)

Angela said...

Many (((heart hugs))) to you and your family on this day.

Auntie M said...

Oh Jill! (((hugs)))

McEngland like the McCountry said...

Sweet friend. I wish I could take all the pain away. Here's what I know: Joshua's body died. His soul is still very, very much alive.

Em said...

Yup. I get it.

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