Monday, July 18, 2011

He's far, but closer than I think

Tomorrow (probably today by the time most of you read this) is our fetal echo.

The doctors don't expect to find anything wrong with baby's heart,but there is always a possibility.

Our appointment is at 2:20pm (Indiana time). Any prayers sent our way are much appreciated.

I will admit, that I am extremely nervous about tomorrow, despite the doctor's optimism. I'm just not sure how I would handle the news of something being wrong. But I'm choosing not to worry- God walked us through Joshua's diagnosis, He will do it again if it comes down to it.

I've been thinking a lot about God lately.

At this time in my life, God feels extremely far away from me. I know He is there (He always is...He doesn't move- I do) but I sure don't FEEL Him.

However, I feel a sense of (positive) anticipation. I feel like He is moving in some (presently) unreachable way. I've never felt such distance yet such closeness all at once. I'm not quite sure what He is up to, but I am content in waiting.  Does that even make sense?

Don't get me wrong. I long to FEEL Him. I long to have Him close, but I feel like there are small whispers- reminding me that He's here and that He hasn't changed. He hears my cries of pain and sorrow yet He is working to bring healing.

I'm sorry. I feel like this whole post is a bunch of mumble jumble. The silence on my blog has been a sign of the chaos in my heart and in my head- but don't you worry- it's a good chaos! He's far, but I know He's near- I just need to find Him!


BlessedMommy said...

Praying for your echo tomorrow! I will be impatiently awaiting the results.

contemplationsofahousewife said...


The beauty that is our Lord never ceases to amaze and comfort me. Even in, especially in, the times when we don't feel Him near, He is doing great things for us. Things that will bring hope, joy in Him, peace, strengthen our faith and give us His grace.

I pray that you continue to rest in Him, to wait patiently, as you are now.


Jessica said...

praying for you tomorrow! please let us know how it goes!

Ausmerican Housewife said...

You got it momma!

Beverley said...

Father be with Jill and Shane as the go to this appointment...let YOUR light shine strong! Be magnificent for them.

Rick Warren recently said “The teacher is always silent when the test is given. If God is silent in your life right now, it is a test of faith...." I am sure you will 'pass' with flying colours!

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