Mercies in Disguise

Early last week, I felt some really strong movement for the first time from our little Rainbow!

As I lay there, waiting for another nudge or wiggle, I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude.

God has been so good to us.

The past year and a half have been hard. Really REALLY hard. Between a complicated pregnancy, a devastating diagnosis of our unborn child, a kitchen fire, multiple financial crisis, the loss of our infant son, a foreclosure, and our newest search for a new church, things have been difficult to say the least.

But God has been so good.

As I read a blog yesterday, I was reminded just how hard life can truly be (not only for us, but for others as well). Death, sickness, financial instability, family problems, attacks, unemployment- the list could go on and on.

As I was thinking about everything our family has been through over the years, my friend's words resonated in my head. She wrote, "once you lose a child NOTHING compares to that loss."

She is completely right.

We have lost so much over the past year. We have struggled with financial stability, our sense of peace and direction, and our home. We have overcome false and extremely hurtful words spoken about us, and we have struggled to keep our faith that used to be very easy for us.

But those things don't compare to the loss of Joshua.

If we were in this same situation a year ago with our home, I would have thought it was the end of the world. But after the loss of Joshua, losing a home doesn't seem like such a big deal.


As another friend on Facebook posted  just shortly after I read my friend's blog, I really started to think.

"What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

(this is from the song Blessings by Laura Story)

That last line rang so true for me. I know the trials of this life has been mercies in disguise and I know that the many sleepless nights of worry and tears have brought a sense of His closeness that I have never experienced before.

We may never know the reason that God allowed Joshua to die. We may never know the reason why God has allowed us to go through a foreclosure. We may never know why we have gone through all of the struggles that we have faced, but I believe wholeheartedly that our struggles have been for a purpose. I believe that God has been merciful to us and we may never know the full scope of His mercies and grace.

All that to say, God has been so good to us. He has given and He has taken away. He has provided in ways that we could never imagine. He has allowed trials and struggles, but He has been faithful in providing exactly what we need at the exact moment that we need it.

God is so good.