Thursday, June 16, 2011

I'm hurt

When I get comments reminding me to not kill my child, I try to ignore them.

When I get "kind" comments reminding me that my "baby is perfect and to keep him that way." I try my hardest to ignore them and at least appreciate the tone of the post.

But quite honestly, those types of comments hurt.

I try to shove that pain and hurt as far down as possible, and laugh at the fact that people are so damn rude.  (I am typically not a cursing person- but today, I am hurt, frustrated, and quite simply SICK AND TIRED OF THESE TYPES OF COMMENTS.)

But when they squash out the joy of our day with their public service announcements like they are such better parents than I will ever be, I just can't take it any more.

My original plan with this blog was to shut it down and start a new one. When we moved, I was going to start completely fresh and not tell a soul where I was going.

But then I got an ad contract and that changed. So I redesigned the blog, and prayed that God would protect me from the evil of others.

After Joshua died, the attacks were awful.
"You mutilated your baby."
"You deserved for your baby to die."
"Your other children should be taken away from you because you killed your baby."
"You are a liar- those things were never said to you. Restore the posts on your blog to prove that you are not a liar."
"You mercy killed your son."
"You obviously never loved your child, or you wouldn't have chosen to mutilate him."

"Your story isn't even real- How do we know that Joshua even existed."
"I have no compassion for you- you got what you deserved."
"Are you going to circumcise your next child? Answer that question and the comments will go away."

You know what?! It is none of your business whether we circumcise or not.

I refuse to discuss the topic further. If I do, then I'm the worst parent in the world. If I don't, then I've seen the light and should "speak out about genital mutilation." It is none of your damn business. Maybe we will, maybe we won't- but you better believe that I WILL NOT be sharing that information here or on facebook or any other social network. Why would I?

You see, after what was said to us after Joshua died- whether they were from intactivists or pro- circ people posing as intactivists - the words that were spoken did your cause a terrible disservice. You made yourself look like fools- no matter how gentle your "correction" and "reminders" of our parenting choices.

And then to throw in your public service announcements at the announcement of the sex of our newest child- you are just displaying a lack of tact. Do you think, after all we have been through, that if I have questions, I don't know who to go to? Do you think that you haven't made yourself clear enough to our family? Do you think that rubbing salt in an open wound is going to make me want to reach out to you for help if I need it? If you do, then you have some serious issues.

As a Christian, I would never tell you that you are going to Hell. I would never shove scripture in your face and tell you that you are going to Hell if you don't believe exactly what I believe. I would never tell you that you deserve for your grown children to go to Hell because you didn't teach them about Jesus. That's not how I roll. I don't go to other sites, trolling and looking for opportunities to preach The Gospel.

I believe in compassion and grace (even though this post is less than filled with grace). I believe in living a life that is pleasing to God and praying that others see Him through me. I believe in not rubbing salt in an open wound and I expect the same from others.

So, after all of this, I want you to know that no matter how "kind and gentle" your words have been, you have hurt me deeply. You have torn open a wound that was beginning to heal. I cannot and will not accept your comments any longer.

Thankfully, I have an army of friends who are willing to help me moderate this blog. Any comments relating to circumcision will not be seen by me. They will not respond to those comments (which has been my desire from day one). They will simply hit that beautiful "Delete" button and it will be gone forever.

So, please, I'm begging you. Stop. Stop with your "reminders" and your "advice." Just simply stop. You have no voice here. I'm hurt and I'm done.


The Price Family! said...

Im praying for you and your family. I just could not imagine that there are people out there that are that cruel. Keep your head up and continue your living your life for the Lord, the only one that really matters. : )

Carolina Carters said...

Congratulations on another sweet BOY!! :) I'm so, so happy for you, Jill!!

Damien's Mom said...

I am so happy for you and your family. It is very unfortunate that there are people who think it is ok to say hurtful things. I read your blog everyday and LOVE the strength that you have to share your most personal moments here. Somedays I read your blog and cry, and others I laugh! Keep your head up and (as hard as it is) don't let words hurt you!

Hope's Blog said...

I am so mad today...I cannot believe anyone would do that to you...AGAIN! This is seriously wrong and I hope they are ashamed of themselves...although I highly doubt it. I will be praying for you and your whole family. You are a great mom and anyone that says otherwise doesn't know what it takes to be a mom!

Jeremy, Censie and Jude said...

I just dont understand - what did you do wrong? Your post yesterday was full of excitment and praise. I don't understand why people are so hateful.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this but so thankful that you are not deleted the blog. :)
OH and congrats on the little BOY!!!

Margaret said...

It makes me sad that people are going out of their way to hurt you. You are a great mom!!! Keep your head up it will get better!

Deanna said...

Those are terrible comments - even the "well-meaning" ones. I'm keeping you in my prayers! Hugs!

lisa said...

I cannot believe that there are people out there that can and dare to say such horrible things!! I am praying for you and your family! Congratulations on another little boy!! You are a great mom and I am so sorry that people have to hurt you! It makes me very angry that people just say these things but I wont even start going on about it because I don't think I will be able to stop and I will probably say things that I as a Christian women should not say!

~ Crystal ~ said...

Wow... It's nobody's business but yours and your husband's if you circumsize or not. And it's legally not considered child abuse to do so, so no one has the right to criticize you for doing it. I chose not to circumsize my son. That was MY choice for MY son. You are free to choose whichever you prefer for YOUR son. Parents are faced with parenting decisions each and every day and it is our right to choose in whatever legal way we choose. I just never. I would never, ever tell a mother what to choose for their child. My biggest passion is parental rights and my heart goes out to you that others feel they have the right to police your legal decisions. You are a wonderful mother. Keep your head up and keep on going.

Bryanne said...

Congratulations on your sweet new little boy! I know Big Brother Joshua is filled with love for him, as he always has and will be for the rest of your family. We just found out on Monday that our son Ethan, who lives in Heaven with Joshua, is a big brother to a little sister, who will arrive in December. :) Praying for you!

Amanda said...

Hurrah for a new baby boy! Praying that you will experience the FULL JOY of welcoming a new little one.

Chris, Diana, Elena, and Sadie said...

Jill, when I woke up yesterday you were the first thing on my mind. I remember what it was like at maternal fetal med, laying on the cart and looking up at the big tv screen, watching images of the precious life inside. I know how stressful it was to wait for those results, and I am overjoyed to hear that rainbow baby his a healthy boy! And I love the name Benjamin!

Whatever things are true, noble, and just, meditate on those things. Continuing to pray for the health and safety of you and baby Benji!

Anonymous said...

Huge congratulations on the baby boy. No matter what God will be with you and protect you and your family.

Hippie_Mama said...

I cannot believe the nerve of some people! Who do they think they are to tell you how to raise your children! They are your children! SMH

I am so sorry you are hurting Jill. You and your family deserve nothing but happiness and love, and now that you are finally catching a break, you need to just ignore those haters. Please don't shut down your blog, I read it everyday! You are probably my favorite mom blogger ever! :)

Remember, there are people who love and support you. Right now, you need to turn to their open arms and ignore all those angry people. They are the ones that aren't happy, so they are in turn hurting you. Its not fair but its life. :\ But you have proven to us time and time again how strong you are, you will get through this. :)

Congratulations on another boy! And I will be one to say, I do not care whether you choose to circumsize or not. It is your and Shane's own choice, and your son will be perfect no matter what. <3

Peggy said...

Jill, I'm still SO stinkin excited for you!!! Much love and prayers for that peace and joy to come back. You deserve that excitement of a healthy baby boy, <3 <3

To those who felt the need to bring it up again, shame on you!

Christine said...

To Whom it May Concern:

Please cease your interest in any and all penises belonging to this family and any other family outside your own. Seriously, didn't anyone tell you some things are private? If someone asks you about where and how to use or care for a penis in their family, then your advice has been asked for and you can answer. Otherwise, if people aren't seeking your advice, cease providing it.

The mother of a child with a penis that is also not your business.

Mollie said...

I heard about your blog from a Mompetition video. I am so sorry that people were so cruel to you and make Joshua's story into their own ill-begotten agenda. It is truly sickening.

I wish you all the best, congratulations on your new little one. You have a beautiful family, here and in heaven.

Kylee said...

I'm sorry people suck. I really don't understand the nerve of some people. Congrats on another boy! As rude as some people have been, let's hope Karma rolls around for them. ;)

Lis said...

I wasn't going to comment..I've been trying to hide from some similar hurt myself..However, I wanted to say HUGE congrats on your baby boy! Also, when I first received a whiplash that triggered 3 brain injuries and left me as "half a person" basically, and then I lost my mother figure in July, my brother n law in Aug, my mentor in September, my mother the following year, and was still trying to regain memory of my precious daughter who at the time had some lingering special needs, mainly hearing loss and muscle issues, we were living underground in a basement and I didn't know who the hell I was anymore,........I was told that I was a liar. I was openly FLAMED in two different forums..and told that none of my story was true...Even when I became so upset that I copy//pasted links to every single obituary and posted pictures of myself using my cane and pictures of me and my daughter and my eyes all bugged out from over dialation....even after all that...I was publicly called a LIAR, told my child should be taken from me, and BANNED - twice!

Though I know this isn't the same as the pain you've endured, it taught me to hate people. It turned my heart to stone. It made me feel like nobody in this whole entire world believed or cared about me.

I share this because, I understand the need to hide certain information.

I also want you to know that I found this blog just recently, linked to other heart babies that I pray for, and I immediately fell in love with your strength, witty sense of humor, and the awesome spirit that you hold within, I pray for your family,children,your precious unborn, but most of all, I pray for you!

I don't know you. You don't know me. Still, I love you as a sister in Christ. I'm sorry for your hurt. I wish I could take it all away. All I can do is let you know that I'm here if ever you need a non-judgmental friend.

Love & Prayers ~ Lis

Wallace said...

Congratulations on the joy of another boy!! I know that Joshua is smiling down on your happiness! Prayerful for a healthy and safe pregnancy and baby!

Joe said...

It is terrible that the ignorance of some people can ruin the sharing of what is such amazing news. Congratulations on your baby boy on the way Jill and Shane! I will pray for his continued health and that God will shield you from these people. You and your family are a source of inspiration to me Jill and I thank you for your blog. I look forward to all the updates on your newest miracle.

God Bless,


Heather J to the ames said...

::sigh:: You're obviously hurt and fed up. Your story went far and it went wide and everyone and their mother has heard of it. I can't imagine that's easy. I try to put myself in your shoes, and I just can't. All I can say is that my heart hurts for you. I'm thinking good thoughts for you and your baby.

Auntie M said...

Wow! Cruelty never stops, it seems. So sorry your joyful news was tinged by other people's thoughtlessness or down-right cruelty. Sending you and yours love...

Lacy said...

The only thing that needs to be said is:


Praying for you and excited for your truly happy news.

leah said...

Good for you. You don't need or deserve the hurt. As for parenting, you are one great, awesome, spectacular, special, creative, caring, loving MOM. Don't ever change!!!!
Love ya

The Bent Bunch said...

Jill, first of all CONGRATULATIONS finding out that you're having a beautiful and healthy baby boy!!! That's so exciting!!! Boys.. now I love having a girl myself.. but there is something awesome about boys. If I could have more children (totally done in that dept.. haha) but I'd love another boy. I wanted to also say that from the deepest point of my heart, I am so sorry.. excuse my language here.. that there are true assholes out there in our world. You deserve, and I hope you know this, the best.. and I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with people who clearly, have lost their minds.

Erika said...

Also, Jill, I'm sorry that you've had to deal with certain comments. I think that was uncalled for. I think we all know where people against circumcision stand and they didn't need to make their presence known. I wish you the best of luck with this new baby!

Laura's Mom said...

I haven't stop by to read your blog in a long time, but I'm so happy for you and your family that you soon will be welcoming another son. Many blessings that your new baby is happy and healthy! from one Jill to another :)

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