Wednesday, April 6, 2011

6 months

6 months ago today, he took his last breath.

6 months ago, to the EXACT moment that I am typing this, he looked up from his crib as he was coding, and his eyes said to me "I love you mama, I love you."

6 months ago, to the exact moment, I told him I loved him and scrambled to get word out that he needed prayers RIGHT NOW.

6 months ago today, I asked Shane, "When is enough, enough? When do we say stop?"

6 months ago today, Joshua made that decision for us.

6 months ago today, was the day that my life changed for ever- I've had to learn how to live again, love again, and have faith again.

6 months ago today, my world came crashing down around me and all I could do was hold him and say goodbye.

6 months ago today was the best day ever for Joshua, and the worst day ever for our family.

Sweet Joshua,

I see you. I hear you. I smell you. More and more frequently your memory comes to me. I remember and I am full. But then you are gone. I realize it's just a memory and I will never see you on this side of Heaven again. What feels like an eternity to me- but it just a blink of an eye to you.

I miss you sweet baby. I miss you so, so much.

So many good things are happening in our lives lately. Burdens have been lifted and we are finally able to just breathe. But you aren't here. No matter how good it gets, the pain is still there and very VERY raw.

I miss you, Joshua. I miss you so, SO much.

Love forever and always,

Your Mama


7 comments:

Beth said...

Thinking of you always, especially today...

Joe said...

Praying for you and your family today and everyday Jill.

Danna said...

Praying for you and your family.

Lisette said...

Sending you many ((HUGS))

Erika said...

Oh Jill, there aren't enough words. Lifting you & your family up in prayer. Especially today. ((HUGS))

brooke said...

I was there. It breaks my heart for you again.

Megan said...

Prayers for you. I hope your pain is eased. Blessings, megan

 
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