Friday, November 12, 2010

I Miss....

I miss this.

And him.




What I wouldn't give to be able to kiss those lips again.



Or touch that head again.



Or take comfort in that room again.

all photos by my (real life) friend Molly
Isnt' she amazing?!

When is this suffocating pain going to end?
Somedays I feel like it is going to smother me.
I find it hard to breathe...the reality of Joshua.
He's GONE.
God, I miss him.
I just want to crawl in a hole and never come out.


21 comments:

Truthful Mommy said...

I don't think it will ever leave but you will eventually be able to live without it immobilizing you, I imagine. These photos have touched my heart and that heart goes out to you, my friend.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.I'm sure you have a support system but if you ever need to rage, cry,just get it off your chest and out f your head (because sometimes writing it down or speaking the words can be a tremendous relief in itself)we are here. I am here..anytime. dacruzbe@gmail.com God bless & Hugs of strength to you.

Molly Alisa Photography said...

Crying tears for you this morning, my friend.

Carolina Carters said...

Praying for strength for you every single morning as you have to get up and start all over again. I can't imagine the pain in your heart, but I ask God to soften it for you always.

Hugs!!

Jana said...

I know it feels so suffocating. But it WILL get better. It's so early... you're just coming out of the fog of the freshness and grief hits you like you've hit a wall. I know it hurts. I honestly do. I've been there. But I want to say this to you: You WILL be able to breathe again. You WILL be able to go a whole day without crying. It won't happen tomorrow or next week or probably even next month. But it WILL happen. Prayers for you daily. Hold on to hope and to your memories. They will carry you through. <3

Ella said...

<3

Heather said...

Absolutely beautiful photos ~ your "real-life" (this makes me giggle) did a fabulous job preserving your memories of Joshua for you! I will say a prayer for you today in hope of comfort and strength! <3

Amy Bennett said...

Oh Jill these photos are absolutely beautiful. THANK YOU for continuing to share sweet Joshua with all of us. Love you...

Anonymous said...

Beautiful boy. Hugs to you, prayers for peace for you....

Anonymous said...

Dear Jill, We are 20 months into our grief and I can honestly say it has not gotten any easier for me. You can act normal, sound normal and live a seemingly normal life but it is always "there" right under the surface of all that normalcy. I am reliving that night and the following days alot and I grieve the fact that that is what is on my mind more than the memories of my sweet grandson. I miss him more and more each day. Sorry if my post is not very encouraging but it is my reality. Take care, Lois Petska

Peach said...

Oh, Jill. I wish I had something to say to comfort you.

We're still praying for your family as you guys grieve the loss of such an amazing little angel.

Peach and Drummer

Carol said...

Such a beautiful boy, and beautiful family. I have no words that could ease such pain.

Anonymous said...

He is so beautiful Jill. Still praying for you that you can find comfort in the Lord!

Kelli

Becky said...

Oh, Jill.

I just found your blog today. I don't know you, and I can't even begin to fathom your grief. For what it's worth, God used the words of your blog in my life today. I am praying for you, and I don't mean that lightly.

The Sears Family said...

I miss him for you. And I am sorry that this is still so raw, I wish I could help heal your heart just a bit. Just add a tidbit of peace to balance out the raging war. Love you lots.

Dana

Christine the ArizonaIntactivist said...

What beautiful pictures....and words...

Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

Jill, I am 25 months down this road.. And I can tell you that the suffocating feeling does ease up.. Or you learn to cope with it better or something..

My prayer for many, many months was:" God, heal my heart."

Slowly. It's happened slowly.

tripleZmom said...

I am so, so sorry. I wish I had wisdom or advice, but all I can do is sending healing thoughts your way.

vendetta said...

I cry every time I read your updates... Those photos are so hauntingly beautiful, and such fresh reminders for me of another hospital - another room - another set of tubes and wires... I hug my son a bit harder every time, your journey has made me so grateful for what I have (I hope that does not sound callous - my heart aches so badly for you and your family). Thank you for letting us see and share your pain, and offer prayers for healing and hope.

Steena said...

What a beautiful boy <3
Keeping you in my prayers everyday, love is what will keep you going. God's love for you and your family, your husband and children's love for you, your love for God, your husband and children, your family, your friends... you have proven to us all that you are an outstanding woman of God... one that we can all look up to and aspire to have your faith, patience, and courage! Joshua may be gone from this world, but nothing can take him from your heart...

Sending my love,
Christina

Nan said...

I'm so sorry.
Thanks for share your story.
I have tear in my eye while I read and see photos.
I don't know words to say, please be strong.
Nan
(sorry my English to poor)

Anonymous said...

Jill~~,
You are a such a strong unbelieveable mother...I have followed you and I am so sorry..I can't even imagine the pain and grief you must be feeling..I am so sorry..Praying that God will continue to heal you..

 
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