Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Stripped

To those of you who have taken Joshua's death into your own hands. I want you to read this. I want you to hear me. I want you to hear my mother's heart. Please read and LISTEN. My son died A WEEK AGO. Listen to me!

I am Joshua's mother. You talk about justice? You talk about being his voice? YOU HAVE STRIPPED ME OF THAT DUTY. I am his mother. Shane is his father. WE are his voice.

I hear your concern about preventing deaths by circumcision. I hear your hearts- not wanting this to happen to any other babies. But HEAR ME.

You were not involved in Joshua's care. You were not his doctors who loved him, his nurses who adored him, or his mother who sat by his bedside for 51 days. You were not the ones who made decisions for him. You do not know the details. What you think you know, what you have copied and pasted from my blog, what you have spread over the internet, were my own personal feelings- My worry for my child. My pain for EVERYTHING he had gone through from birth until death. YOU took my words and used them to further your cause without even asking permission. You stole pictures of my child and made him a martyr for your own agenda.

YOU never asked me. Some of you voiced concern, and when I told you we were not interested in pursing anything in regards to his death, YOU STRIPPED ME OF MY RIGHT TO BE HIS MOTHER and took matters into your own hands- even after we made it clear that we wanted nothing to do with it.

I will forever be Joshua's mother. Shane will forever be Joshua's father. But YOU have taken our voice away from us. You have taken our rights to care for our child. You have taken matters into your own hands.

I am please asking you to LEAVE OUR FAMILY ALONE. Let our sweet baby boy rest in peace. STOP your letters to the coroner. STOP your calls to the media. STOP your protests at the hospital.

Let us gieve in peace. Let us bury our child. Let US be his voice and his justice.

140 comments:

Mandy Knecht said...

Jill, My heart goes out to you and your family. No mommy or daddy should have to write a letter like this...ever. Please know that you will forever be in my thoughts and prayers, and that Joshua's story is being told in Sandusky, Wood, Ottowa, Williams, Fulton, Seneca, and Henry Counties in Ohio. God be with you and yours.

<3 Mandy

jana said...

((((hugs))))
Well said! Though you never should have had to say it in the first place. Praying for peace for your family.

The Hoitsma's said...

I'm praying that they listen. It's sad that for a basically 'peaceful' cause that they have, that several extremists have to take it out of control. I'm praying for you lady!

melissa said...

well said.

praying for you!

neeroc said...

I am so sorry for your pain.

Devan @ Accustomed Chaos said...

HUGS! I am so sorry this even needed to be said! I am so sorry for your loss & for these people making your unimaginable pain even worse. Sending lots of love your way.

Melissa said...

I am so stunned that you could be charitible towards those horrible people.

FireCracker! said...

Much love from one redhead to another. May God bless your family

Kaden's Mummy said...

I am so sorry for this pain. My prayers are with you all and I truly hopethat people leave you to grieve and honour Joshua the way he deserves to be. xo

thedryerblewup said...

Hon I'm so sorry that these extremist have done this to you and your family. No one deserves to go through the pain that they are bringing you. It's sick that some women (and I'm sure men) are using your son to further their cause.

woohoo23 said...

I hope they listen too. It's sad that you have to say that, but I'm glad you did. Many thoughts and prayers for you today!

Cort (Modern Super Momma) said...

I hope very much that you are permitted the peace you deserve. I am but one voice, but if that voice can be used to assist you - don't hesitate to ask.

MamaDay said...

I am stunned that fellow mothers would treat you in such a disrespectful manner. It is a disgrace. But YOU, on the other hand, are a woman of grace. I admire your strong character. Praying for your peace and strength.

AnnaMarie said...

I am so very sorry that your sweet Joshua died. My son had a fatal birth defect and died almost 3 years ago. I miss him so much. My heart breaks for you and your family.

The treatment you are receiving from so people is appalling. There are not words to express how horrible it is that Joshua's story is being exploited by those with an agenda.

I recognize you alone as Joshua's loving mother. (((hugs)))

nitebyrd said...

I'm here from Gucci Mama's place. My thoughts, prayers and positive energy to you and your family.

May whatever God watches over idiots and a**holes, see fit to silence these warped individuals. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such stupidity at this time.

Brandi C. said...

Very well said. They have no right. None at all. I am so sorry that anyone, anywhere has infringed on this time in your family's life. It's very simply wrong, regardless of anyone's convictions.

Molly Alisa Photography said...

I am devastated and angered by what these people have brought against your family.

How dare they.


Psalm 56

Be merciful to me, O God, for man would swallow me up;
Fighting all day he oppresses me.
My enemies would hound me all day,
For there are many who fight against me, O Most High.

Whenever I am afraid,
I will trust in You,
In God (I will praise His word),
In God I have put my trust;
I will not fear.
What can flesh do to me?

All day they twist my words;
All their thoughts are against me for evil.
They gather together,
They hide, they mark my steps,
When they lie in wait for my life.
Shall they escape by iniquity?
In anger cast down the peoples, O God!

You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottlde;
Are they not in Your book?
When I cry out to You,
Then my enemies will turn back;
This I know, because God is for me/
In God (I wil praise His word),
In God I have put my trust;
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

Vows made to You are binding upon me, O God;
I will render praises to You,
For You have delivered my soul from death.
Have you not kept my feet from falling,
That I may walk before God
In the light of the living?


Psalm 57:1

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will make refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by.

Kathie said...

AMEN. Intactivists, if you are reading this, I hope you can put yourself in Jill's place for a moment. She has so little control over anything relating to Joshua, and you have taken even more away from her. As a mother, as a person, please drop this issue and find another case to take up. You seem fanatical and I believe this is hurting your cause. I had never heard of "intactivists" before this whole situation, or of babies dying of circumcisions. To someone who was completely unfamiliar to this "cause" before, it appears to me to be a farce because you have to exploit this type of situation in order to gain momentum. Additionally, I have no desire to learn any more or associate with any of you because I am so incredibly turned off by your tactics.

Jill, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. You are constantly on my mind. I am praying that God will relieve you of this and these bullies will have a change of heart.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I am praying that God speaks to them and shows them what harm they are doing . I am lifting you up as a family that you will see the way to walk this path that you have not chosen for yourselves. To get your voice back for Joshua, as you deserve to have! This is your son and you are protecting him still today. If you need anything please let me know.

(((hugs)))
Rainy

Mary's Momma said...

I am so sorry that people are using this as some sort of platform for their sick fetish. I am beyond angry for your family. In my belief system, whatever harm you do will come back to you threefold, so I know the god/goddess will handle them.

Stefenie said...

Jill,
I honestly hope and pray that these people can finally give you and your family some peace. I am very worried how all of this will affect all of you in the long run because you are not being allowed to grieve for the child you lost in a healthy manner. Instead you are being denied that right and being forced take on more burdens than any one person should ever have to.
It is shameful that people who can call themselves mothers and fathers can attack another parent....a parent who has just lost a child....whose entire world has crashed down at their feet....and who is hurting.
My heart breaks for you....I am angered by what is happening to you....and I am praying for so much peace.
This honestly needs to stop. Nothing that anyone does now can change the fact that Joshua is gone and it is heartbreaking. Turning his death into a publicity stunt to further their campaign is a disgrace not to mention horrible.
They don't have a clue what it is like to walk a mile in your shoes, Joshua's doctor's shoes or anyone else's for that matter. They don't have all the answers. They shouldn't be commenting on them nor trying to pursue them at great lenghts and trauma to the family.

It needs to stop. It needs to stop now. Your family needs peace and you deserve to have peace. To grieve, to heal and for your family to be able to move forward someday.

{{{HUG}}} Praying Jill!

ty said...

I am so, so sorry that you had to ask for this. The ignorance of people will never cease to amaze me. I pray for your peace.

Michelle said...

We love you Jill, no mother should endure this. I am in your corner as always. Heart hugs.

dreamom said...

I know that some of the things they are doing is intrusive, and involves outsiders (contacting papers and the coroner). Aside from that - try to just let them be - they DON'T have a say (even if they think they do), and they DON'T have an influence (even if they think they do).

There is good coming out of this. I have seen a lot of good hearted people stepping back from the extremists out of disgust. Although they still believe in the cause, it is cleansing the 'movement'.

I know that you don't want to be a PSA or martyr, or anything else. I just want to let you know that there is good happening. Stay your ground. Mourn, grieve, heal, take time to adjust to your new identity as a mom of a forever baby. In the meantime God, and those crying out to him on your behalf will be behind you, holding you up.

With blessings and hope...

Polish Pauper said...

I want you and your family to know that I think you are so very strong. What is happening to you is beyond words, stay strong and don't let these people take away the fact that YOU will always be Joshua's mother. Lots of love.

Ashley said...

STOP your letters to the coroner. STOP your calls to the media. STOP your protests at the hospital.

That you even have to SAY this breaks my heart. I don't follow your blog, but I am so sorry for your loss, and for this backlash from the Internet. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

allison, a flea circus said...

i don't know how i got here, but i just wanted to say i pray for that peace that passes all understanding for you, for your husband. i don't even know the circumstances, but your hearts must be breaking into tiny, jagged pieces. just from one mother to another, deepest sympathy for you all.

BeeBubbaBella said...

I am so sorry for the earthly loss of your precious son Joshua but am excited that he is in Heaven with our Heavenly Father and one day we believers will get to meet him as you see him again. I clicked on a link for your story on twitter and couldn't stop reading it. I have not lost a child but the grief that comes through your words are too much to bear. I cannot believe how cruel people can be but when they don't have the light of Christ they walk in darkness and say things to only bring us down. No matter what the people may say or write or think you and you only will always be his one and only mother. What a powerful testimony of God's goodness and grace you have shown me through your blog entries. We are believers of prayer and God's perfect yet not always understood will and will be praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I pray every day that you will be stronger and stronger and these heartless people will go about their own business. Everyone has their own beliefs and what the need to do for their family. Do what you feel is right and let others do what they feel is right for their family. Remember "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all".

Steven said...

I'm praying. So sorry for your loss, and even more sorry that people can be so cruel and insensitive about it. I pray that God convicts them and leads them to repentance.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet son Joshua! A friend of mine told me of your story so I came to read. I am so very touched by your son and all he went through in his short time here on earth. I am touched by your words. I am also outraged and disturbed for you and your family at the insensitivity you have been met with at such a tragic and personal time in your lives. May God bless you all with many gentle and peaceful moments as you travel this road of grief. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! ((((HUGS))))!!

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

Kathie and everyone else-

I would like you to know that not all intactivists have been nasty. Most have been extremely compassionate, loving, and are grieving right along with us. Most have severed all ties with the websites that bashed our family and spread lies. Not all of them are as extreme as the more vocal ones.

I will be honest in the fact that i do have a bad taste in my mouth from the term intactivist now. I have never heard of it until after Joshua's death, but the word makes me cringe. Unfortunately, these extremists have spoiled the name and the movement. They have done nothing but damage the awareness that so many have worked hard to spread- and for that I'm sorry.

To those intactivists who have reached out, I appreciate it and I love you all dearly. Thank you for continuing to be a support to our family.

SMHoitsma said...

-Jill,

I am sending my hugs and prayers to you and Shane. I am sorry you are going through this and that those people are being sooo cruel to you. They should respect you and Shane and let you mourn for your son peacefully. You and the family are in my thoughts and prayers.

~Sandi H~

Gucci Mama said...

Perfectly stated. I'm so sorry for this horrific thing you must face. Sending you all the love I can muster.

Chantelle said...

Jill and Shane,
I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my twins to HLHS. Your words have been an insperation to me. Your faith during all your ups and down amaze me. The words that are now written by others shock me. I am glad to see you standing up for yourself but am disguested that you need to. No mother or father should ever have to bury there child. I pray that you remain strong and that the negitive words posted by others will stop.

Christine said...

I don't know the *whole* story, but I've got a good idea as to what's gone on. The fact that there are letters to the coroner, to the media, and protests at the hospital just BLOWS MY MIND. I can't imagine being in your shoes. Can. Not. Imagine.

I'm not quite sure what circumcision has to do with a baby who passed due to a birth defect, and it makes me sad that these extremists are using a precious baby as a martyr for their cause.

It just saddens me. Praying for you and your family, Jill. May your heart find comfort and peace in Him.

Anonymous said...

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. What a shame that people can't leave you to grieve in peace.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm just so sorry.

I don't know much of anything except that you have lost your son, and I'm sorry for your loss.

Chelsy said...

Praying here in Colorado. Can't imagine your pain.

Anonymous said...

Very good post Jill! We sometimes forget about the positive people and focus on the negative. I had never heard of Inactivist before now either. I know that everything has a bad side and that bad side is so easy to focus on. Thanks for reminding me!

Rainy

Kathie said...

Jill, that is my point - that they are doing more to hurt their cause than help it. I hope if they see it that way it will lead them to stop. They are turning people away from the movement who might otherwise have been willing to learn and be educated. It's like PETA who is so extreme that a lot of people don't take them seriously anymore.

I know they are not all bad and involved in this stuff. I hate that they drug you into it. I am deeply sorry. I wish there was more I could do. I am glad for the people who reached out to you. If nothing else, at least you have so many more people praying for you than you would have otherwise, but it comes at such a price.

Margaret said...

I am sickened that people would do that to a grieving family! I came over from Gucci's blog and wanted to tell you that you have done nothing wrong. All the people saying you did are idiots. I will never understand why people have to make a horrible situation even worse! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sissy said...

I am so sorry that in addition to the unbearable pain of losing your son, you have to defend yourself from rabid jerks on the internet. God will take care of you and your family, I hope those people will just back off. I'm so so sorry about Joshua.

Jessica Reynolds... Virginia jesslynn_lewis@yahoo.com said...

I am not regularly a follower of your blog - simply because I had never heard of it, so i only learned of you and your life today. I do want to tell you how truly sorry I am though. Im sorry for your unimaginable loss, as well as the frustrations that outsiders are pushing on you during this very difficult time.

I know that the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years ahead of you, your husband, and your other children will be difficult for each of you, but I pray that God will wrap each one of you in a blanket of grace and peace and that he will give each of you strength beyond measure to face each day ahead of you.

As a mother, I can only imagine the loss that you must be feeling, and my heart truly goes out to you. I know that it is a pain no mother should never have to endure. I wish I had the perfect words to say to encourage you or to give you hope in this difficult time, but unfortunately, I don't.

But i can assure you that i will be praying for each of you. Rest assured that even though you may not see it, feel it, or understand it... God is an anchor for you, and regardless of the storm that you are going through... he will always holdy you steady and get you through. He has blessed you beyond measure, and i pray that he will continue to do so.

I went through an extremely difficult time in my life several years back. I felt that God wasn't listening to me, he wasn't answering me, and I eventually got very bitter with God and blamed him for my heartache. I resented God. I resented him for a long time. I tried to pretend that I didn't and put on the smiley face, but in the back of my mind, and in my heart... I resented him and I blamed him in some way. But when I was about to crash and burn at my own hands, he finally answered my prayers. I didn't have much time to spare, but he finally rolled back the clouds and showed me where he was at the whole time. While I was mad at him for forsaking me - he was there. he had a plan, and his timing was FAR more perfect that mine... I just couldn't see it at the time. I say all of that to say this... It's OK to not understand. It's OK to not see the big picture. It's OK to be hurt, to be sad, to be mad... but hold fast to your faith in God. He will carry you through those darkest hours when you are unable to carry yourself. He will not fail you. cry in his arms and let Him comfort you.. let him heal your broken heart.

May His peace be with you.
Much love and prayers...

zchamu said...

Amen. Peace to you and your family. And you're right: The "intactivists" that have harassed your family and have been so cruel to you have done more harm to their movement than good.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

I've found you through Jana. I am so sorry for your loss & I can't believe what you are having to go through. It's awful that some people ave no couth or compassion. My prayers are with you & your family.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Found my way over here - not sure how. Haven't been commenting much on any blogs lately but had to at least say something. I read back over your last few entries and realized that you feel the exact same way that I do...yet we lost our sons for completely different reasons. My 20 year old, beloved son CJ, took his own life almost 6 months ago. All the ways you described yourself...broken, lost, stuck in grief are words I use to describe myself everyday. It's been 6 months on Friday and I am no better. In many ways, I may be worse. Life just isn't the same anymore. I am not the same anymore. I am simply crushed.

Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/

Barbara Wunder said...

I always loved your mom for the sweet geniune person she was since we met as little girls - and I love you too, even though we have never met. I wish you continued strength to get through the battles you're facing. Hugs.

Andrea said...

Praying for you and your family. I hope you will receive peace and comfort in the arms of Our Father. Joshua is so beautiful and I know it will be a wonderful day when you get to meet him again in Heaven.

Intactivist is a term I will never willingly use to describe myself ever again. That a group of people could prey on a grieving mother to further their agenda breaks my heart. I pray they recognize the error of their ways.

Taryn said...

Praying that your healing space is left alone and I am praying that even if it isn't that the love and support around you is enough to shield you from the pain these people are causing.

Sending lots of love to you Jill.

Christine said...

Jill, I'm so sorry you are going through this. People can use the internet to ignore the fact that they are hurting a person by their words and actions. They need to take a step back and remember that this is not an abstract story and that you are real live people going through a tragedy. All my love to you and your family. I'm so sorry you have to face this. I'm glad so many people are helping you and I'm sorry some people are stupid.

Dana K said...

I, too, am an "intactivist" who is rather disgusted by the way a few very vocal people have treated you & your family during this time of unimaginable sorrow. I have stopped "following" blogs & tweets due to some of the comments I have seen from people whose opinions I previously respected.

As a mother of a son with a medical condition, my heart absolutely breaks for you. I cannot fathom the added insult to injury certain loudmouths have created in your life. May God bless you and bring peace to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog for a while now and believe that you were the strongest voice your son could have ever asked for. You and your husband were blessed to have that beautiful little boy in your life, but Joshua was a blessed little boy to have had you in his life. Never let what these hateful, evil filled people choose to say.

Anonymous said...

Jill - You are such a great example for everyone. I can't believe what you're going through and how well you are handling it. If I were in your shoes the types of things I'd have to say to the inactivists wouldn't be appropriate to be written on a blog. Thank you for continuing to be Christ-like as you battle for peace. It is such a great testament to the wonderful woman that you are. My prayers and heart go out to you and your family.

HipMama said...

Dear Jill,

We have never met, but as a mother, as a Christian, my heart goes to you and your family. First and foremost, I feel like I should tell you that I myself am what you call an "intactivist". This being said, I am horrified by the manner in which you have been treated by others. It disgusts me, and I am so deeply sorry for what you have had to endure at the hands of a few hateful human beings. As I am not a doctor, as I was not a part of Joshua's care, I will not speculate as to the cause of his passing into Christ's arms. This is not my place, this is not any one's place. I am praying for you every day, Jill. I am praying for peace, for the attacks to stop, for healing to seep in through the cracks and warm your soul. Your deep faith in God inspires me. It is a beautiful thing that you have Christ to lean on in this time of grief.

I wanted to let you know that I have shared your story with my church, and that last Sunday, we prayed for you and for your family together as a congregation. You are in our hearts, our prayers, and our thoughts. My family will also be taking our tithing money this month and be making a donation to your family. This is our ministry, our calling from God, and although we don't have much to offer, I pray it will help to ease some of your burden.

I know that you wish to be left alone from the intactivist community, but I was wondering if it would be alright if I shared your story on my blog. My wish is to collect prayers for you and to call others to open their hearts and donate to your family. If you are uncomfortable with this in light of what is happening, I understand. I just wanted to ask.

This verse made me think of you, I hope that it can bring you some peace that Christ is with us, always.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Gospel of St. Matthew 5:3-10


In Christ,
Anne Marie Hiestand
faithfeminismfamily.blogspot.com

Latinalonestar said...

You are and always will be his mother! Encouraging you to seek truth and wishing you peace and healing. Many hugs to you from someone you might not know or trust, but someone who still cares a great deal.
-Jen Coias-

Gina (bbc) said...

Sending all my love, prayers, and hugs for you and all that you are going through. I, too have never even heard of the term "inactivist" until now. I just can't believe that anyone who feels that they are representing being as humane as possible would put another human being through this. They in essence are torturing you and your family. Then, they claim to be a voice for those who were harmed. But, they don't seem to care what harm they do in the process. Have they researched HLHS? Do they know the statistics on survival rates? What makes them so "qualified" to determine their own cause of death. I am so disgusted by what these people are putting you through. How can they live with themselves? How can they sleep at night knowing that they are causing more pain to a person who is enduring the most painful thing that could ever happen to someone?
Your faith is an inspiration. I just want you to know that I think of you all the time and CAN NOT believe what you are going through. I don't understand how people can be so cruel and heartless to a mother who has had her own heart ripped out of her watching her child go through all that he went through. My heart just aches for you, Jill. I know what a miracle Joshua was and I believe that God's plan for him was executed with percision. Many people have been changed by a baby that lived for such a short time and I am so thankful to have been one of those people. May God continue to hold you and Joshua in his arms.

AnnD said...

Another Intactivist who hopes you are getting the peace you deserve both from God and from extreme intactivists.

I am fairly certain that the group I'm affiliated with has not made any calls to the media, the coroner or staged a protest. Please still know we aren't all like that and that, 99.9% of us are wishing your family peace after your loss.

Much love to you!

Mer (Lulu's Mommy) said...

I do not know you. I came through Cecily.
I wanted you to know I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine.

After reading your blog a little bit, I would love your guidance on religion. I know that may seem selfish at such a time, but, maybe when you are ready you could help me.

Robin said...

you are showing God's glory by how graceful you are being. If anyone represents how a Christian should be, you are doing it right now. I am so sorry you have to deal with this trial, on top of losing your son, but please know that I see such Christ-like behavior in you that I know God is proud looking down upon you. Much love and prayers to your family.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jill, I am a friend of Shane and Cassie. It breaks my heart to read your blog. You are truly a caring mother who has had a long, emotional last few months. I cannot imagine your pain. I had preemie twins born 12 weeks early. They were in intensive care for 6 weeks before they were allowed to come home. Born at only 2lb each, my husband and I were terrified of what could happen to our fragile baby girls. Other than living at the Hospital for 6 weeks and not being able to hold them for 3 weeks, i remember the first time I saw them wearing real clothes when we walked into their room. It was such a releif to have such a normal thing going on in the life of two unordinary little girls hooked up to many machines, feeding tubes, and IV's. I am also a nurse and while i was in school, we learned alot about taking care of families becuase they are the patients too. I learned that lesson when i saw my girls dressed in tiny preemie clothes that were beyond baggy on them. Normalcy helped us to cope and instilled hope to us that we were on track to a "normal life" with "normal" babies. Not babies hooked up to machines and tubes and unable to open their eyes. The circumcision was a "normal" thing that your little guy was finally able to get done like every other little boy. DO NOT let others make you feel terrible for searching for some type of normalcy for him. My heart goes out to your family and I hope that you all can find peace at this terrible time. Becky Snow

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now. Cried when I first read, cried when Joshua went to heaven, and now I'm crying again because of the comment from Mer above. It SUCKS that as you are grieving the loss of your son in our very broken world that you are also battling such persecution. As God holds you up and close--He's also using your voice to bring hope to the lost. I'm in awe of our Heavenly Father and admiring how you are obeying His greatest commandment in such hard times. Your son is beautiful and I have a feeling that his legacy will affect me for a long time. Praying for you.
T.J.

Heather said...

Jill,

You really have been given more than anyone ever should have to bear. I pray for peace for you and your family.

Jeremy, Censie & Jude said...

I am amazed at your strength - you truely are an inspiration. I do not know how you are able to hold yourself together with all of this harressment.
I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that you and your boys are able to gieve together and grown from what God has given you.
Much love and prayers!

lilsophie said...

The Lord brought this to me after I had read over your horrible and tragic experiences. Deepest sympathies for your loss of little Joshua.

Psalm 15
1Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

2He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart

3and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman,

4who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the Lord,
who keeps his oath even when it hurts,

5who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things WILL NEVER BE SHAKEN.

You and your family will be honored by God for continuing to do what is right. In the meantime I pray that God will cup His hands of comfort around you as you mourn the loss of your son - today - and all the unexpected days in the future. God will NOT leave you.
I pray that He show Himself in very special ways to your family. This is the season to mourn, I pray that you will be given the opportunity to do so in peace.

ashley marie said...

Jill,

As I told you in my email last night...I was thankful to see that many blogs/sites that I did searches on were in support of your family and against the extreme people who attacked you. Hopefully the good will encourage the bad to show support and/or leave you to heal in the peace that you more than deserve!

I am, my family is, my womens group, and my friends are in daily prayer that even the hardest of these hearts will soften and find other ways to promote their cause.

It is sad that you have to go through this, as everyone before me has said, and I am believing that God will honor your grace, forgiveness (that I cannot wrap my head around), and your heart to use this whole situation for His glory.

Again...to reiterate what many have already said...you are an amazing woman of God. I admire you and your approach to this.

Praying for continued strength and grace for you and Shane...as well as favor!

- Ashley

Dounya's mummy said...

just wanted to let you know that I have followed all that happened and that I was disgusted how ignorant people are trying to make your life so hard. You have just lost your son which is the the most terrible thing that can happen to you as a mum and dad and those people don't even have the dignity to respect your grieving..I am sending you much love and strength and be sure that a lot of people are standing beside you!

Erin said...

Jill - I just found your blog today, followed you over from a blog that menioned you, and have read through Baby Joshua's story. My heart just breaks for you and your family!!

I'm in Indianapolis and wish I had heard of your story sooner as I would have gladly offered you a place to stay during your time here with Baby Joshua (although I think you should have never been asked to leave his side).

I know the only thing I can offer up at this time is prayer...so that's what I will do.

I will never be able to understand how someone can be and act in such a way as those harrassing you. But I am so impressed by your class and patience!!! You are a true example of what God wishes us all to be!!!

Just know that soon the storm will pass, the media will lose interest in their "cause", and they will go back to their holes and you will be left to grieve in peace!! And that is what I will pray for!

Jolene said...

I came to your blog through a friend. I am so sorry for all you are induring. What an awful time for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family.

Fashionably Green Baby said...

Jill,
You do not know me but I am not too far from you (in Noblesville) and I have been following silently for awhile. These people who use these things for their own personal agenda are as low as they come. They are relentless and they disregard the feelings of all the people they hurt. Please know that they do this to way to many people and until everyone stands up against them they probably will not stop. Just because we as Americans are given the freedom of speech doesn't mean it should be utilized at all times. It is in extremely poor taste. I hope that through all of this you know that there are so many people who are behind you to support you if you need it. I think the title of I almost killed my son was just so halting that many people felt they could take that raw emotion that you were sharing and turn it against you. Please don't let these people get to you. You deserve to be lifted up and supported as you travel this road of life with out Joshua on earth. Please know that if you ever need something I (and many others) are here to help. I am so sorry that you have to grieve through the loss of your son while being personally attacked.

Audrey said...

As a Mama to an intact son, I too had never heard of "intactivists" until coming across your blog. Please know that 99.9% of us who don't believe in the circumcision process do believe in the power of being a community of Mother's who will stand and support our fellow "sisters" when the fall. My heart breaks for you. My heart breaks for your family, your children and your son.
And to those Intactivists who want to stand on their soapboxes to try and bring awareness to this issue -- Can't you see you're doing more harm than good? Can't you see that you're "representing" this cause like a crazy person? If you want people to jump on board, you're not going to achieve that by looking a whole lotta crazy, that's for sure! Spread your message with peace and love and facts. But for God's sake...leave this poor mother and her family alone, and go worry about someone else's penis!

Red Shoes said...

I am so SO sorry for the loss, pain, and heartache you have suffered in the loss of your dear child.

I am also sorry for the mis-treatment... no, the abuse that you have received from others...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...

~shoes~

StrongRedheadedCherokeeMama said...

i really think that the people taking this to such an extreme are NOT other mothers... i think they are non moms that believe in the movement for humanistic purposes..... or terrible terrible excuses for moms and human beings... me and most of my friends don't believe in circumcision, but i tell you that EVERY mom I know-- even the ones who don't believe circumcision should even be legal-- still believes in a mother's ability to choose what is right for his or her child, and in her right to make decisions guarding his care and CERTAINLY in (an obviously loving, educated, and respectful) mother's right to lay her baby to rest and to help her family reach their peace with love support and respect from her community (no matter how small-ie church or big-ie the internet) anyway... where has our humanity gone? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?? i read on another blog someone commenting on this and she said "there are PEOPLE behind these postings on a website... there is a REAL MOTHER who lost her REAL BABY.." anyway, i thought it was especially important to mention... I feel like these people are just fighting for a cause and making their points heard on message boards without actually FEELING that there are REAL HUMAN BEINGS INVOLVED.... JILL IS NOT JUST A WEBSITE OR A CAUSE TO DISAGREE WITH, she's a PERSON for crying out loud!!!!!!!!! people spend too much time away from humanity and only communicating with it through electronic devices. OVER IT!!!!! get some empathy, people!!

Magpie said...

Cecily sent me. I'm sorry for what you've gone through, and I'm sorry that there are haters out there. Peace to you, and Joshua.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your family and the hurt they have been caused by the cruelty of other people.

Intactivist might be a new term to many people here, but the term "BULLY" is no stranger. Any person, no matter their cause or desire, that is a bully is not in my opinion a true advocate of the cause they proclaim. These groups of intactivists who hold the opinion that a circumcision causes so much pain to infant children that they "can not be silent" to this cause, are the same people spewing hatred and emotional harm as their so-called message. Hurting individuals with their words and name-calling. Spreading a distorted message about a child, a life, a death. It does not help their cause. It taints it.

Has nobody learned anything from all the recent teen suicides from bullying?

Bullying, belittling, and name-calling a person in the name of "advocacy" does not make you an advocate. It makes you a coward.


I first came to your site following a link from facebook with a picture of your beautiful beautiful boy that said "another death by circumcision." This story, accompanied by a stolen picture and a not even half-true tale was so very different from the story I found on your beautiful blog. I am glad that I saw the story as it led me here to learn about your beautiful family. I am, however, horrified to see the exploitation and bullying that has taken place. "Intactivist" is no new term to me. It does, however leave a new bad taste in my mouth. A group I once respected, I now place in the same category I would place the Westboro Baptist Church.

I know it is not every individual that has done this. I know that some individuals are horrified too about what has been said and done. But for those who have, you have permanently damaged a cause, you have done irreversible damage to the heart of an already heart-broken family. YOU are cowards. And your cause is no better or furthered for it. Majority of the intactivist community are mothers. As a mother, I can not begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. Also as a mother, I can not imagine showing hatred to a grieving mother. And from a mother to a mother, SHAME ON YOU to anybody who could, who has, and who continues to do so.

Melissa

Anonymous said...

I am so deeply sorry for everything you're going through. -Brittany

Joe in N Calif said...

O God, our heavenly Father, who lovest mankind, and art most merciful and compassionate, have mercy upon Thy servants, Jill and Shane, for whom I humbly pray to Thee, and commend to Thy gracious care and protection. Be, O God, their guide and guardian in all their endeavors, lead them in the path of Thy truth, and draw them nearer toThee , that they may lead a godly and righteous life in Thy love and fear; doing Thy will in all things. Give them grace that they may be temperate, industrious, diligent, devout and charitable. Defend them against the assaults of the enemy, and grant them wisdom and strength to resist all temptation and corruption of this life; and direct them in the way of salvation, through the merits of Thy Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ, and the intercessions of his Holy Mother and Thy blessed Saints. Amen.


O Lord Who watches over children in the present life and in the world to come because of their simplicity and innocence of mind, abundantly satisfying them with a place in Abraham's bosom, bringing them to live in radiantly shining places where the spirits of the righteous dwell; receive in peace the soul of Thy little servant, Joshua, for Thou Thyself hast said: "Let the little children come to Me, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven."

For only Thine is the Kingdom of Heaven and to The we ascribe glory, together with Thy Eternal Father and Thy All; Holy, Good, and Life-creating Spirit, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

vschrank said...

I don't know you or your family but I am a mother and I feel for you and your loss! You are one very strong momma and I send you and your family (((HUGS)))! Veronika

Al_Pal said...

Dear me. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I saw @VDog trying to get 'them' to lay off you, on twitter.

Best wishes for healing.

Parsing Nonsense said...

Amen. Beautifully put, I really admire your willingness to try to reach out and communicate with people who are running roughshod over your family.

I'm praying for you. For every person who aggravates you, please know there are thousands who are standing around you, supporting you and your family with our hearts and thoughts.

Jennifer A. said...

I am sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

Scary Mommy said...

I hope it's ok with you that I posted about this: http://www.scarymommy.com/letters-of-love/
I'm thinking of you and your family and wishing you as much peace as you can find. xoxo

Amanda said...

I am visiting from Cloth Diapering Mommy to Six. Your family is in my prayers, and I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
Amanda

loveandchaosreign said...

Made my way via Scary Mommy.

You don't deserve any of this. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and know there is an army of people all over the world fighting to let you be Joshua's voice.

Trust in each other, trust in yourself, trust in God. Trust that Joshua shines down on us now.

Much love.

DiPaola Momma said...

Funny how so many people in this world feel empowered and even entitled to pass judgment on others. Your son was, is and will always be yours. Your voice will be what fosters your other child into becoming the amazing person he will be because of that voice.

My heart breaks for you and my inner redhead wants to kick some serious ass for ya. Hang in there, the thing about haters is most of them have short attention spans, kind of like hyperactive Chihuahuas.. annoying little buggers.

Miss Rebecca said...

Jill,
You are a tough woman. Sometimes being strong is a lonely curse.
I am sorry for your loss, and grieve with you and Shane. The internet has made it easy to relate to others, but it has huge pitfalls!
I want you to know that you are not alone.

I also want you to know that you have not lost your voice. You have not lost your ability to mother Joshua even now - you are defending his dignity and honor.

You and your family will be in my thoughts.

Kids Learn @ Kiboom Daily said...

We want to let you know that you and your family are in our thoughts.

Hugs and prayers at this difficult time.

With Sympathy and Understanding
Sherry & Wendy

Kathryn said...

I am so sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful and loved baby. Anyone who can read and can see his picture and has a moral compass can see you are good parents. I hear you, you are not stripped of your voice. The people in your life that matter, they hear you and they will never strip you of your voice and ultimately that is what matters.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. (I found you via Scary Mommy too)

Nickie said...

YOU are an amazing woman; that you are handling this situation with such grace and dignity, I admire you more than I can ever express. As always, you have my love and are in my continual prayers.

Lucky Jones said...

I've been lurking since finding you through Cora's Story. I am so sad for you. I am sad that there are terrible people out there who think and say horrible things about you, your family, and the team who cared for Joshua day in and day out. I am sad that you can't hold your baby right now.

Even though I don't know you personally, I wish I could give you a hug. Stay strong. But if you feel the need to break down, you have every right to. Just know that there are hundreds if not thousands of friends across the world who are holding your heart right now...

Carol

Anonymous said...

Im am currently sickned by humanity right now (or lack there of)!! Who in their right mind would treat a grieving family like this (you must not have mind or a soul)????? I hope karma comes back and slaps you in the face 100x over!!
To the Haskin's Family;
I have an understanding of the road you've been down...we currently have a preemie in our family (born at 24 wks gestation).....I truley see how fragile life can be and how things can change in an instant. I want to wish you peace and love.........you will get throught is and your life will go on!! I wish you well in your journey of healing. You seem to have many, many, many supporers that are ready and willing to help you in any way they can.....dont let pride keep you from recieving the help you desperately need.
Much love and respect to you and your husband
FW IN

Carin said...

I don't know the story behind all this, but I am so sorry for your loss and sorry that you are having to put up with "people" who think they know everything. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Carin

Zenbuoyant said...

@Scary Mommy, I'm unable to post on your blog thus the reason I am posting this here, please do not paint all intactivists with the same brush, "What the “intactivists” are doing is sickening."

My first son was elected for an unwarranted genital surgery because my husband thought it was his "biblical duty". Our son suffered many complications because the doctor was over-zealous during surgery. He had a buried penis, little skin to grow into which made it extremely painful for him during his growth spurts, and today he suffers meatal stenosis (a condition in which the urinary opening on the glans fuses together, narrowing or blocking urine flow because the prepuce organ isn't there to protect the meatus on the glans). I was angry for a long time. I was ready to denounce my faith forever. It was an intactivist that mended my love for God when she showed me scriptures from the Bible that clearly says this is absolutely not a Christian mandate. My husband and I feel foolish. We've repented for our lack of knowledge regarding our faith. We've since had two more sons and they're intact. Our intact 7yr has a profound love for God and wants to be a preacher one day.

Jill, my soul aches for your unimaginable loss. I hold your family dear in my prayers.

love,
Michelle

Jen said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. I am truly sorry that you have to go through this.

I pray that you all will find some peace.

Diane said...

Jill,

This is the first time I have been to your blog or read your story. I found you via Scary Mommy. I am sickened to hear that you have been lashed out against. That anyone would think they are somehow entitled or worthy to judge you at all but especially during a time like this makes my blood boil.
My heart and my prayers go out to you and your precious family. May God comfort you and hold you extra close during this very difficult time in your lives.

ArizonaIntactivist said...

I am so sorry that you are hurting again because of this situation.


"And we know that ALL things work together for good to them that love God..."

~Romans 8:28


You love God. That is SO obvious. So somehow, someway He will make it right. I have to believe this.

You will be in my prayers...

Emily said...

Jill and Shane,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am a Pediatric Nurse and it breaks my heart when a mother and father lose a child. Whatever the circumstances were, it doesnt matter and it is none of the internets business. Your family is in pain and I am sorry.
My thoughts are with you.
Emily

Anonymous said...

Our hearts go out to you and your family and we are praying for your strength in this terrible time. Whoever is using those pictures will have to answer to the higher power and I pray for him to uphold you through this trial..

With Sympathy

Stephanie in Louisiana

Anonymous said...

Jill - - May God Bless you and your family and may He wrap His loving arms around you so you can feel Him. Please know that for every person out there that is persecuting you, there are probably hundreds that are praying for you and support you. You seem like a super mommy and you should be very proud of yourself for taking such exceptional care of your little angel. I have been praying for you a lot as have so many other people.

me & the grub said...

I can't believe anyone could be so vile as to attack you because something unthinkable happened to your family. It seems that the most bizarre and horrible people have the loudest voices. You're in my thoughts day and night.

Some lady from Pittsburgh said...

You are in our prayers and thoughts. This was so tactfully, gracefully and thoughtfully put.

When activism becomes this sort of insensitivity to the people the activists are alleging to defend or better life for, it ceases to be a constructive thing and simply degrades our culture further. When it becomes all about "the cause" (whatever that may be) and not about people, it only hurts and destroys.

Masala Chica said...

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words. I pray that you heal in peace.

Praying for you.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. - From a headstone in Ireland

Wayne and Sue Rasmussen said...

Jill & Shane,

Continuing to pray for grace and peace from God. My heart hurts with yours.

Sue

B said...

You could not have said that any better. My heart aches for you and your family, from one mother to another.

Anna said...

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are having to deal with this during this time. You LOST A CHILD. You owe nobody an explanation and frankly, I'm appalled that people would try to turn your loss into some kind of crusade.

Stay strong. There are a lot of people out here who are thinking about you.

bearhavenmama.com said...

I found your blog through another that I read. I am so sorry for your loss and that you are being attacked this way. You must be an incredibly strong woman to be able to put up with this while grieving. My heart goes out to you, and you will be in my prayers.

Alexicographer said...

I'm here from Cecily's blog (UppercaseWoman). I am so sorry for the loss of your son Joshua.

Anonymous said...

it is only through the scarymommy blog that i knew of your site. i am sorry for your loss, too. i have 3 kids of my own and just thinking of losing one of them wrings my heart. i rarely pray for myself and for anybody, but this time, i pray that you will find the peace of mind that you and Joshua (coincidentally, my only son is named Josh) deserve. yes, we try to make the best decisions for our children and, human as we are, we do make mistakes. the important thing was that we tried and we let God take the rest. may you and your family have peace. a mother's hug to another.

stacy G said...

Jill, all I can say to you is that if every one of us who is praying for you could take a tiny bit of your pain away, for even a few seconds each day, we would. A mother just isn't supposed to outlive a child. I am so very sad knowing that your own heart now aches so unbearably.

Andrea said...

Just want to let you know I support you and will pray for you and your family. Hearts are my passion.

My condolences.

-Andrea, RN

Vixen said...

Jill, I have followed you for some time here and on twitter. I don't comment much anywhere, but I wanted you to know I feel your pain of loss so deeply (having last a grandchild just one year ago). The pain of losing a child is immense and all consuming. I feel awful that this added stressor has come upon you.

You were following me on twitter before and I hope that you will again (I am a friend of Loralee's). I also ask that you friend Irishkaka on twitter. She is a dear friend from Ireland who has also been following you for some time and would like to lend some support, but her twitter is private so she asked me to ask you to send a friend request when you have a moment. She has a shining soul, blessed with God's love and would like to lend you her love.

God Bless you and all your family. If you need someone to talk to about infant loss in private, please feel free to email me vixen@vixensden.com or DM me on twitter at ladybugsgrama

Angi Pants said...

Jill I cannot even imagine what you are going through right now. This is every mom's worst nightmare. I am so sorry for your loss and the further grief you and your family have had to endure.

I hope these extremist intactivists realize they are no better than common bullies to involve and humiliate you and your family in during this terrible tragedy.

I wish you peace and comfort in this harrowing time.

All of my warmest thoughts and love in my hear to you.

Angi

James Mac said...

Dear Jill,

Please accept my sincere condolences for your tragic loss. I could barely even try to imagine what you and you family are going through right now.

There are many comments here denouncing Intactivists for hurtful and cruel comments which have been directed at you.

I proudly count myself a member of a growing world-wide Intactivist community and I can assure you the behaviour you describe is not what intactivism is all about. The Intactivists I know have a passion for human rights, social justice and are deeply caring and compassionate people from all walks of life.

Hurtful comments directed at a grieving parent is bullying; it is not intactivism.

I am very sorry that you and your family have been bullied and harassed in this way and I strongly condemn the actions of that small group of small minded people.

With kind regards,
James Mac
Australia

Jamie said...

I have been following your journey, and I can say that it sickens me how people have treated you. You are an amazing mom who loved her son with all she had. That is all that matters. I pray God will give you peace during this difficult time.

brittanyib said...

I haven't followed your story until a few days ago, but I am so sickened by what these people are doing to you & your family. I don't have kids, can't even imagine the pain of what you are going through, but reading how disrespectful and downright hateful these people are treating you has me hear almost in tears. I am praying for you, your family, and more importantly for these sick people who are depriving you of the right to grieve in peace. Much love & prayers<2

Anonymous said...

All my love and thoughts are with you and your husband. I cannot imagine your loss. Parents make decisions for their children throughout their entire childhood. All with love and their best-interest in mind. We should be careful to throw stones.
I have chosen not to circumcise my son. Mostly for cultural reasons, I'll be honest. But on the flip I am firm believer in immunizations. If something happened as a complication of immunizing my children, I would hate to have to endure what non-imunizing activists would have to spew online.
I am sorry that you have had you endure this on top of losing your baby boy. It's not right.
I wish you peace and I wish you a new way of finding your way back to happiness.
Cecilia

T said...

Dear Jill, I continue to return to your blog to see how you and your family are doing. I understand your distaste at the term "intactivist" and I now have trouble using this term to describe myself because I am so disgusted at the behaviour of others who represent this movement. It is abundantly clear to all who care to read here, that every choice you made for your sweet Joshua was made out of the deepest love you had (have) for him and your grief and your space now should be respected. I am sickened by how you have been treated.

I do not share your faith or some of your choices as a mother but I AM a mother (of four in my arms and five angels) and I simply cannot understand how another parent could amplify your grief like this right now. I can do nothing really but apologize for the appalling behaviour of those who have failed to respect your grief.

"They" cannot take away your voice. YOU were, are and always will be Joshua's mother.

Mrs. Call Me Crazy said...

Jill,

Your story is one of great loss and grief. I am praying for you every single day, all day. God bless you and your family. And may a community come together online and show you that you are supported, cared about, and loved.

God bless you and your family.

Blissful Babe said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I just hate it when people stick their noses into business that isn't theirs.

God Bless.
xoxo

mary said...

God bless you and i hope these people leave you alone. I can understand that it is a personal choice weather or not you do things with YOUR child and that it is YOUR thing that you want for them..I circumcised my son because of a health issue he had with his boy part and he will have to have it fixed again soon because the first surgery did not take.. As for extremists i don't understand why they would try to contact a family member or corner or anything for that point and well to me it is down right disrespectful! I pray that you and Shane have peace in this time and i pray that God will comfort you during your time of grief> Joshua has a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL mommy who gave her all for him and he knows that! God bless you and i pray that this ends soon!

MKR from Calling Motherhood
http://callingmotherhood.wordpress.com/

DianaPrince said...

Jill,
I am ever so confused about all this stuff with your son. I read your posts and see nothing about circumsision, and everything about heart surgeries. I don't get it? Anyways..I wanted to write you because I have been thinking of you for a day now (since I read a post about you on FB). I am a Mom of 3 kids. My biggest fear in life is losing one of them. I lost my little brother (was turning 25) to suicide 2 years ago this Janurary coming up. His death is totally different than your son's, but still gut wrenching painful. I am still in pain 2 years later. I am so very sorry for your loss. You can not even know the feeling behind those words I just wrote. There are 2 things I want to tell you from my heart. I don't know what they ype about you circumsizing your son (let em say, we didn't circ ours because I was against it..BUT would never judge anyone FOR doing it). Whether this circumsision triggered this whole heart thing or not..DO NOT question your decision. Honey, it would have happened anyways sooner or later. So, even if you hadn't done it, his heart was broken and it would have happened at some point..NOT because of you. And also, NOTHING..let me repeat NOTHING in this life happens by coincidence. God has it all planned out. No matter how much "free will' you believe we all have...he still has a plan around your free will. Your beautiful son was brought into your life because God was speaking to you (and now so many other people through your blog). Joshua had a glorious purpose on this earth. In his short life, look how many people the Lord is reaching through your posts. And as terrible as it is to believe right now, something good always comes from tragdey. Think of all the lives is (did and) is touching through all of this. Many many prayers to you and your family. Joshua is on Jesus's lap watching over you all. :o)

Allyson said...

I'm here via Scary Mommy. When I read on her site what was happening it made me sick to my stomach.

My heart aches for you. For your loss, and for the way it has been exploited by others.

Wishing you peace.

Sonja said...

Your story makes my heart ache---just the cruelty of it. What makes people feel like they have the right to insert themselves and their hurtful opinions into your life! I'm afraid there will always be people like that. They are misguided and mean. Please try to forget them. Your little Joshi is beautiful and one day your ENTIRE family will be together again. Remember every sweet moment you had with him. You are a good mother! Love and wishes for peace and happiness (your Joshua would want that for you), from another mom. Sonja

Maria Melee said...

Peace, Jill.

Zoe said...

I am so deeply sorry to hear not only of your loss but of the immense pain being caused by these people

I will say a prayer for you tonight x

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

I am a french "intactivist" as you say.

I am not here to disturb you, and your "story" make me feel very sorry and sad for you...

I just want you to know that intactivism person are no bad : our wish is pure : we would like all people around the world to keep their sex intact, it is just so simple !

I was circumcised too, and all the day I think of it, I wish I was not but it is done...

I am working on a french website to inform people about what circumcision really is and make them aware of the problematics of ethic.

I make that with love, please believe me.

Again, I wish you courage !

Sorry for my english.

Nicolas

ASHLEY WELBORN said...

may God bless you and your family with the peace of knowing that your little one joshua is now an angel guarding you and your family! He is a beautiful angel now in God's arms! YOU ARE STRONG WOMAN!

Diana said...

Jill, they were never his voice. You and Shane have always been and always will be.

These people will answer to God. And therefore, I pray for them, too.

Diana said...

@ Nicolas

Je pense que vous savez que certaines personnes sont mauvaises. Et meme si nous avons le droit a la liberte d'expression dans ce pays, je crois que nous avons une plus grande responsabilite de garder intacte l'humanite, meme si nous ne sommes pas d'accord avec une autre personne ou groupe.

Les gens qui ont attcked Jill et sa famille au nom de l'etre contre la circoncision ont fait d'une maniere incroyablement en colere et envahissantes. Ils reprochent a la mort de son fils sur la procedure, alors qu'en fait c'etait une maladie qu'ils ont connue avant qu'il ne soit nee.

Ces gens terrible essaye de protester a l'exterieur de la chambre d'hopital de l'enfant apres sa mort et a meme menace de protester contre l'enterrement! Ils ont dit a Jill qu'elle merite d'etre mis en prison ou meme tues pour avoir son bebe circoncis ... pour autant que je peux dire, cela n'a rien a voir avec la cause de la prevention des circoncisions. Mais ils ont utilise la cause en tant que plate-forme de leur haine. Ils mal cite les choses Jill a declare sur son blog et ils se repandent la haine contre Jill et sa famille.

La meilleure chose que vous, comme une personne qui est contre la circoncision peut faire, c'est de s'elever contre la haine que les membres de votre groupe sont crachant et encourager les gens a etre raisonnables et de compassion. Parce que, n'est pas pas nuire a autrui et la compassion ce que votre mouvement est-il?

Desolee pour mon fran├žais ... Je n'ecrit souvent!

Di-

Joie said...

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

I just had found your blog through Scary Mommy not too long ago - but I hadn't YET become a faithful reader. And then I see a post about you being attacked?!

I obviously will have to go through and read some more, but your letter pisses me off! Why on God's green earth is anyone saying anything horrible to you at a time like this - or any time at all?!

Ridiculous - I want to punch them all in the teeth!! No mom should ever ever ever have to write something like that. EVER.

Kim said...

You are in My prayers and thoughts. I am so sorry for your loss and what you are now having to deal with. I am amazed at how well you are handling all of this.

Samantha said...

How horrendous that you lost your sweet, beautiful baby... and how terrible that you are being attacked because you chose to share your beautiful story with the world. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss and for the additional pain that the stupidity of others has caused you & your family. Though I am a stranger - found your blog through a mutual friend - I send you my prayers and thoughts, and wish that sweet little Joshua rest in peace. Wishing you and your family peace and comfort.

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Nobody deserves something this heartbreaking.

I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child, I am so sorry about Joshua! It breaks my heart, and I have only just found your blog.

And then, being harassed and at the center of a witch-hunt... unbelievable. Have these people no shame? Can't thy see they are trampling on your family's feelings and losing points in the process?

I wish I could find the words to give you some comfort - but I do hope you find some in the show of support from other mothers.

Hugs - my thoughts are with you and your family!

Bombdigity said...

Hi Jill, I'm new to your blog via way of Life's Crazy Joke ... I am so sorry for your loss and for the awful things that you've had to endure during your loss ... please know that you & your family will be in my prayers

Steven said...

With all due respect, you must understand that a lot of intactivists are angry and grieving as well for something that they perceive to have been without point. Made worse from the fact he had a heart condition, and the doctors are acting as though the operation had no potential to aggravate his heart failure. It's as if the fact he was doesn't exist in their minds, like they're trying to clean their record from the mishap or eliminate circumcision from possibly ever doing harm. People like us see this kind of thing a lot in the media, and it frankly upsets us a lot. Perhaps that is why some are going to such great lengths to highlight these issues, even at the cost of respect. Many of us feel embittered, as if people won't listen or refuse to acknowledge our points anyways. I know one of my parents didn't listen to me, and stubbornly refused to admit they caused me harm. Those kinds may not feel like they have much to lose to begin with. I apologize for the fact that this happens, but with posing such information online, out in the publics eye, it ALWAYS has the chance to backfire upon you. And circumcision is indeed EXTREMELY controversial.

You know what the worst part about it is? I am male, but I can relate to grief. I hope expressing my feelings will illuminate you (and those who denounce us, or worse dismiss us) on why some people behave this way. I grew up sincerely believing that my parents were respectful enough to leave every aspect of my body alone for me to determine for myself what I wanted out of it. I had no idea circumcision ever existed, much less that it was done to me. I had always assumed I had everything in that regard, but I always found the discoloration between the scar and my own skin odd, even when I was very young. When I would later discover the foreskin, I was completely shocked and felt as if my heart was sinking. I felt betrayed by my parent figures that they would do something like this to me, I even confronted them about it. My father was cut himself, but he stubbornly refuses to admit he ever did me harm, in fact he even said he would do the same thing all over again. Can you imagine how much this infuriated me? I was seeking sympathy out of him, but instead what I heard was more or less to the effect of a slap across the face. Much to the effect of what you experience now only in reverse. Needless to say it has created barriers in my relationship with him. Circumcision can cut in more ways than just the obvious. To shorten the story, I suffered depression and even self harmed myself. I still struggle from these feelings to this day. It's rare for people to treat you fairly, they tell you to "get over it" or "be a man", why can't genital cutting just end? It's all the same. Male and female. They can both cause psychological damage. I'm sure god pities BOTH sides of the issue.

Concerned Mother said...

To those who are confused, you need to realize that Jill has deleted all of the posts that explain what happened with her son's circumcision. The people who left heartless comments on those posts were out of line, but the "backlash" has brought many people to this blog who don't have the benefit of context -- they can't read the posts illuminating the decision to circumcise baby Joshua and how it led to his death. I feel this is very misleading. Jill says that we "don't know the details" but that's because she deleted the posts where she was pushing for the circumcision despite comments asking her to reconsider and the post where she said she almost killed her son -- her words -- after the unnecessary surgery to remove part of his penis. And now she is swallowing the line that the doctors are feeding her, as they try to cover their own butts and avoid a lawsuit, that the circumcision and hemmorage had NOTHING to do with his death? Give me a break. So much denial. THAT's why people contacted the newspaper and the coroner. They couldn't stand by and watch this baby's death by malpractice go down as yet another "cardiac arrest" without any association to circumcision, without any consequences for the doctors. It's appalling.

No one has "stripped" this family of any rights. They abdicated their RESPONSIBILITY to protect their child, and then to hold accountable those in the medical field who failed to protect the child from his parents when they were making dangerous decisions. These parents are not going to do anything except "move on" as though they did nothing wrong.

And by the way, doctors do not "love" and nurses do not "adore" their patients. Those are the emotions of family and friends. Doctors and nurses may become emotionally involved (to their own peril, and that of the patient) but please be realistic -- they were doing their jobs (poorly).

Anastasia said...

First of all I ams o sorry for your loss. I have no idea how you feel but I am sorry. And second of all I am sorry that there are useless assholes out there who would even think to hurt you at a time like this. They are wastes of space. I hope you guys get through this and I am praying for you.

Alison said...

As the mother of a newborn, my heart goes out to you and your family. Hugs for all of you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Gregor said...

I am an Intactivist because Jesus saved me. I do not know anything about who called whom or any exchanges that you have had. If you want to talk now or even much later, you should be able to reach me through my account here.

Auntie M said...

Well said, but so saddened it had to be said at all. Also, so pleased to see the support pouring out to you here. And while other may try to speak in your voice, it is evident from all the comments here, that it rings false. You and your husband will always be your child's voice. xoxo

 
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